Recalled
by SGClosetfan
Summary: AU: I created a character that I inserted into S9 & S10. Beware of Spoilers. Rated M for violence and sex in later chapters. I do not own SG1, just borrowing it for my own amusement. Thx for understanding MGM!
1. Chapter 1

"Hank."

"Joe."

The two men greeted each other; one a decorated general, the other a weathered cowboy.

"Something tells me you're not here to say hello to an old friend," Joe sized up his one-time commanding officer.

Joe was blue collar through and through. Aside from a stint in Vietnam, his life had rarely taken him beyond the family ranch. Almost 40 years of herding cattle had taught him time wasn't worth wasting with meaningless small talk. It's not that he was unfriendly; he was just to the point.

"What gave it away," General Hank Landry looked down at his uniform trying to lighten the mood a little, but he was no fool when it came to reading people. He gave his old friend a weak smile, "No, not this time."

Hank knew Joe understood why he was there, and because of it wasn't happy to see him. In truth he'd wanted to avoid this, but with the government cutting his budget they'd somewhat forced his hand. He needed the best to protect the best.

More specifically, General Jack O'Neill had forced his hand. Jack knew what kind of a pilot Jess was and he also knew about Hank's close ties to the family. He said he felt Jess would take it better coming from a friend. Hank knew he was right, and agreed to do it, but it didn't mean he wanted to do it.

Looking out from under the brim of his Stetson, Joe signaled toward the corral. Hank followed his friend's gaze and saw the person he was really there to see.

"Thanks Joe," he nodded.

Hank walked over to the corral where Jess was riding a pretty little bay quarter horse, cutting calves from the cows to be branded. He leaned against the wooden railing and watched with admiration at the precession with which horse and rider worked. It really looked more like a carefully choreographed ballet set to the rhythm of beating hoofs and hollering cowhands.

One of the wranglers saw the general and gestured, distracting Jess from the task at hand. She turned her horse and headed over to greet the man she thought of as family, instinctively knowing the news he brought with him was something she didn't want to hear.

"When?" She cut right to the chase.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a lot like your uncle?" Hank squinted against the late afternoon sun.

He had known Jessica O'Connor for most of her life. At age ten, Jess' parents had died in a car accident. Her Uncle Joe and Aunt Maggie took her in, raising her on the ranch as if she was their own daughter.

Over the years, Jess had taken on Joe's no-nonsense domineer. She'd also inherited her mother's inner strength and her father's restless spirit. All these things had combined to make one of the best pilots and finest Air Force officers Hank Landry had ever known.

Her questioning hazel eyes were unrelenting and the general finally answered, "Monday, 0800."

Jess looked away at the mountains. She knew she didn't have a choice. Just because she'd been honorably discharged didn't mean they couldn't call her back up. After almost a year working the ranch with Joe, she'd started to believe she was truly free of the military life she'd once craved. Still, deep down she'd known they'd come for her eventually.

She blinked hard, taking a deep breath and steadied her horse. "Where?"

"Cheyenne Mountain Complex. I'll send a driver for you, so make sure you've got what you need. It'll be awhile before you'll be home again," Hank explained.

"What?" Jess shook her head realizing for the first time that she was speaking in monosyllable sentences. "What's at Cheyenne that you need me for, last I heard they were running deep space telemetry out of that place?"

Jess was confused. She was ecstatic to learn that she wouldn't be returning to that God forsaken desert, but why call her up to a research facility. She was a pilot not a scientist.

"Yep, something like that," Hank knew he shouldn't say more; too many ears around. "It'll all be explained on Monday."

"Well at least you gave me the weekend," Jess gave Hank a smile that assured him she wasn't about to blame the messenger. "Stay for supper?"

"Depends, what's Maggie cooking?" Hank smiled back. He knew she wasn't happy, and regardless of if she'd believe him or not, neither was he.

"Why don't you go on up to the house and see," Jess instructed. "I'll be up once the boys and I have finished here."

Hank headed back toward Joe and the main house. As he approached, Joe squared up to him.

"She's given more than her fair share for God and country," Joe's comment was a statement of fact.

"Yes she has." So was Hank's answer.

* * *

"So what are we celebrating?" Allie was glad to be out with her two best friends for a night, but Jess was already finished with her first beer, and had just bought a round of Jameson for the three women. Allie knew that when it came to Jess, Jameson before midnight was rarely a good sign.

"My promotion," Jess said holding up her shot glass.

"Did Joe decide to retire and give you the place?" Carrie, the other woman in their three way friendship, chimed in. She didn't understand Jess' current obsession with the ranch. Carrie was much more of a city girl, with her perfectly manicured nails and latest style clothing. The appeal of spending the day with smelly cows and dirty wranglers was unfathomable to her.

"Not exactly," Jess paused for effect. "Here's to _Major_ Jessica O'Connor."

Jess tipped her head back easily downing the amber liquid, and fully enjoying the familiar burn of whiskey on her throat.

She looked at her two friends frozen in shock, "Drink up girls."

"Jess they can't, you were discharged!" Carrie was outraged.

"I don't understand. How can they expect you to go back?" Allie looked close to tears.

"They can and they did. And I'm not exactly going back," Jess grabbed her empty beer bottle and shot glass. "Who wants another one?"

Without really waiting for an answer, she headed up to the bar. Carrie and Allie exchanged a knowing look. Jess was done talking about it and her friends knew it was pointless to push her.

Neither Allie nor Carrie had any idea what had happened to Jess in Iraq. Jess refused to talk about it. What they did know is that the experience had changed the very core of their long-time friend. Once prone to roam every chance she had, Jess had barely left the ranch in almost a year. She was withdrawn and serious now. The mischief that used to radiate from her very being had been replaced with a distance that her friends couldn't comprehend, but had learned to respect.

Even so, with the news out of the way the women proceeded to enjoy themselves. Jess was genuinely in a good mood and even joked around a little, which ultimately put both Carrie and Allie equally at ease. Despite her circumstance, Jess was feeling okay about being recalled. After all, at least she wasn't returning to the frontline.

Alcohol increased Carrie's and Allie's courage and it wasn't long before Jess' two friends abandoned her for a couple of the local yokels that tended to populate O'Malley's. Jess didn't mind. She was just glad to be out with her girls, and relieved they hadn't tried to pull her out on the dance floor with them. Since getting back from Iraq, Jess preferred to watch life rather than fully participate in it. There were some things that she just wasn't ready for yet.

* * *

General Landry heard a knock on his door at 0745.

"Come," was his only reply. He was sorting through some papers and didn't bother to look up right away. He knew it was Jess.

"Major Jessica O'Connor reporting for duty as ordered Sir," Jess saluted, standing straight backed in her crisp dress blues before the expansive desk. She chose a point, eye level, on the wall straight in front of her and stared rigidly at it.

Being back in uniform was highly uncomfortable for her. Aside from what it represented, the over starched blue cotton and polyester attire had nothing on a pair of worn-in jeans. Moreover, as a pilot used to flirting with the clouds, she found being 20 some odd floors under ground a bit unsettling.

At the same time, she wanted to make it abundantly clear that she didn't expect to be treated like anything other than a soldier despite her established relationship with the General. To Jess, personal integrity and honor were of the utmost importance.

"At ease Major," Hank figured Jess would be less then receptive to this whole scenario. He also figured she'd want to draw a clean line between their on-base interaction and their personal friendship.

He was just glad that she wouldn't be under his direct command. That way she would have a friend on the inside that she could confide in. He figured in the long run, she'd need it.

Hank had also shown the foresight to only invite two of his senior people to Jess' orientation. He assumed it would be best not to amplify an already overwhelming situation with too many new faces.

Pushing his chair back from his desk, Hank pointed toward the boardroom, "Right this way."

He waited for her to pass him by on her way into the adjoining room, and then looked over to address Walter who was now standing in his office doorway, ever at the ready.

"I've already contacted them Sir, and they are on their way," Walter informed the General.

Hank was starting to get use to Walter's sixth sense for what he needed and simply dismissed his aide.

"Have a seat," he waved a hand at the long boardroom table. Jess surveyed the room. She immediately noted the exits, and the blast doors that covered what she assumed to be a pane of observation windows.

She chose a seat across from the door they'd entered that kept her back against the blast doors, but also gave a clear line of sight to the spiraling staircase on the opposite side of the room. The choice wasn't lost on Hank and he felt a pain covered twinge of pride at how her specialized training had ingrained certain habits into Jess.

"Morning, General," two people entered the room, bringing Jess back to her feet.

"Major Jessica O'Connor, this is Lt. Col. Samantha Carter and Dr. Daniel Jackson," Hank introduced the pair and salutes and handshakes were exchanged all around. Jess couldn't hold back the corners of a smile when Daniel fumbled with his arm full of papers and over flowing coffee cup.

"Col. Carter and Dr. Jackson are here to brief you on the Stargate program," Hank explained, only to be on the receiving end of a very inquisitive look from Jess. "They'll walk you through it. I leave you in very capable hands."

With that, he went back into his office, closing both the door and the blinds.

"Major, please have a seat," Sam gestured and everyone took their places at the table.


	2. Chapter 2

To Jess, Sam and Daniel sounded more like they were pitching a sci-fi movie of the week then explaining a military operation. But she sat and patiently listened as the two detailed intergalactic travel, alien foes and advanced technology. It was a bit much to swallow.

Eventually, Jess had to interrupt. Her mind was spinning from all the information they'd shared, but there was one glaring question that hadn't been answered.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. There's something I don't understand. Why me? What do I bring to the table that any other pilot doesn't?" Jess was terribly confused on why she would be recalled and brought into a secret operation when there were plenty of young able bodied Air Force officers who would jump at the chance, including pilots already active in the Stargate program.

"My recommendation," Hank was leaning against the door frame to his office. He moved into the room and took a seat at the head of the table.

Sam looked across the table at the younger woman. She'd read up on Jess' file and was surprised at the level of experience that the relatively young 31 year old major had racked up. Then again, graduating from the Air Force Academy coupled with her participation in both the Afghanistan and Iraq campaigns had presented Jess with opportunities unavailable to pilots in more peaceful times.

What was more of an enigma to Sam was the nine months that had been blacked out of Jess' record. Especially since the mysterious time period was immediately followed by an honorable discharge. Even with Sam's connections and high-level security clearance, Jess had secrets.

"Gen. Landry has the utmost faith in your abilities," Sam smiled at Jess.

"The damned bureaucrats cut my budget to a fraction of what it takes to run this program," Hank complained. "Basically, I need people around who I can trust to get the job done no matter what the odds. You've proven you can do that."

Jess nodded her understanding. Sam and Daniel exchanged a look. What did the general know that they didn't?

"We have ships that supplement the SGCs efforts and provide back up for our ground teams when we need it," Daniel chimed in. "That program is where the government is concentrating their resources, meaning there was an opportunity to bring in new recruits. You'll be joining a squadron of F302 fighter jets that operate from an X303 called Prometheus."

"You were hand picked for the assignment," Sam continued. "We have pilots in training, but our new recruits can't match your level of combat experience. Since Prometheus is our flagship, they see the most action and needed a pilot who can hit the ground running."

"I'm counting on you Major," Hank finished the justification for Jess' addition to the operation.

* * *

Jess' career with the Stargate program began with three weeks of training at the beta site. There she was fully briefed on the proper tactics, received hands on training for some of the advanced weapons like zats and staff weapons, and spent hours training in 302 fighters.

The time at the beta site flew by, and Jess was amazed at how easily she got back in the saddle. The advanced technology made flying the 302 a breeze, and it wasn't long before she was out maneuvering some of her trainers. Jess had always been a natural, and these sophisticated jets gave her a new found freedom to push her flying skills to the limit.

But learning tactics and regaining her piloting skills were the easy parts. The squadron she was joining had been brought to the site during her second week so the team would have time to train together before returning to active duty. Jess knew that gaining the trust and respect of her teammates would prove a far more difficult process than studying up on protocol.

She was the only female in her squadron, and was replacing a much loved former team member who had been killed in action. That was two strikes against her right out off the bat. Jess knew it would take real mission time together to truly gel, and she had to remind herself to be patient. Still, her quiet resolve and superior piloting skills impressed the other pilots.

The only person she formed an immediate bond with was her co-pilot. He was a tall, lean lieutenant from Texas with the unfortunate moniker Bill Cassidy, who went by the inevitable call sign and nickname Butch.

Butch had a wicked sense of humor and Jess found it hard at first to distinguish when he was being serious and when he was yanking her chain. It didn't take long though before Butch learned Jess could dish it out as well as she could take it. He also quickly discovered that most personal questions were strictly off limits.

At the end of her training Jess was ordered to return to the SGC to sign off on the multitude of paperwork that the military so loved, and put her personal affairs in order before being deployed.

Given that she was the only one returning to the SGC, the beta site base commander asked her to deliver some miscellaneous paperwork to Hank. Jess really didn't mind. It gave her a good excuse to stop by and say hello.

Carrying the files in one hand and her bag with the other, Jess marched up to Hank's office. She found the door open, but could hear two voices inside; Hank's and another that she didn't recognize. Rather than lug the files around, she decided to interrupt. After all, the door was open so it couldn't be too important of a conversation. Shifting her load, Jess managed an awkward knock on the door frame.

"Come," was the hasty one word reply.

"Sir, sorry for the interruption," Jess walked into the office. She put her bag down so she could properly salute her superior officer.

"Major, glad to see you're back. I've been hearing good things about you," Hank was positively glowing.

The other solider hadn't gone unnoticed by Jess. He was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the general's desk. She recognized the SG1 patch on his shoulder that both Sam and Daniel had worn. Based on what she had learned from her team about SG1, it was easy to deduce that this was Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell. The way the other pilots had built him up, she'd been expecting nothing short of Tom Cruise ala Top Gun.

"Sir, Col. Rodgers asked me to deliver these files to you straight away," Jess kept her focus on Hank, but she could feel SG1's leader watching her.

"Thank you Major," Hank took the files and started flipping through them.

"So, Major, do you have a name?" Cam had his own contacts at the beta site and had been getting a steady stream of information on the hot new pilot.

Jess studied him briefly, trying to figure out what he was up to. She wasn't sure what to expect from him, but wasn't one to be intimidated by reputation or rank either.

"O'Connor Sir," Jess pointed to the name patch on the front of her BDUs that was in plain sight.

"What about a first name? Have you got one of those?" Cam was smiling at her, and she found it a bit unnerving.

In her experience, smiling brass usually knew something you didn't. Jess decided that he must be testing her, and chose to push back as much as she could without over stepping the limits of her lesser rank.

"Yes, Sir," Jess accurately answered his exact question with out actually revealing any information. Before Cam could protest, Jess turned her attention back to Hank who was watching the exchange with great interest.

"Sir, will there be anything else?" She quickly asked.

"No, you're dismissed," Hank had been waiting for these two to cross paths.

They had plenty in common, more then either one of them probably realized. Both were excellent pilots, good at heart, ambitious, and head strong. These were traits that had served them well in their military careers, and at times been the key to saving their lives.

Landry guessed the two would either hit it off or kill each other. 'Let the battles begin,' he thought to himself.

"Thank you Sir, Lt. Colonel Mitchell," Jess saluted both officers, calling Cam out by name to prove that even with out an introduction she was fully aware of who she'd been addressing. Then she turned and exited the room.

Hank looked expectantly at Cam.

"What!?" was Cam's only reply.

* * *

Jess wandered the halls trying to find the temporary quarters she had been assigned for the overnight stay. She had meetings stacked up, but not until after lunch, so she wanted to get her gear stowed and maybe try and unwind a little first.

As she rounded a corner, she ran smack dab into one very preoccupied archeologist.

"Dr. Jackson! I'm sorry," Jess struggled to keep her balance. Papers had gone flying and were floating gracefully down all over the hallway.

"My fault, I should learn to watch where I'm going," Daniel answered, giving an apologetic smile. "And it's Daniel. Please, call me Daniel."

Jess found herself charmed by Daniel's easy manner. She couldn't help but like the guy. His somewhat geeky persona was a pleasant change from all the testosterone-laden egos she was used to dealing with in the military.

"You're just lucky I forgot my coffee Major," he said giving her one of his patented make the girls melt smiles.

"Jess," Jess responded.

"I'm sorry?" Daniel had started to pick up his papers and didn't follow her point.

"Call me Jess. If I'm going to drop the title, then you're going to drop the rank," she explained.

This time it was Daniel's turn to be charmed.

"That's a deal," he smiled at her.

Between the two of them they made quick work of gathering up Daniel's things. He thanked Jess for her help and lingered hoping to continue the conversation.

"Actually, Daniel," Jess tested the name. "I could use your help if you have a minute."

"Sure, what can I do for you?" Daniel asked, thankful for the excuse to keep talking.

"Give me directions. I'm lost," Jess admitted.

Daniel had a better idea, "Tell you what, follow me back to my office so I can drop these off and I'll give you the full tour."

* * *

By the end of the day Jess was exhausted. She didn't think she'd ever signed her name so many times, had such a through medical check-up, or been interviewed by that many people in one afternoon. Now, hidden back in the bunk room, she had a chance to reflect a little on the day.

Daniel had been a huge help and even asked her to join him for lunch. Jess wasn't a fool and picked up on the subtle, and not so subtle, hints Daniel was dropping her way. She'd been careful about any signals she sent in return.

Sure she found him attractive, for Christ sake, she wasn't blind. It's just Jess wasn't interested in complicating her life with romance. Besides she was just starting out in a new command and would be working on and off with Daniel and the rest of SG1. It just made sense to keep things strictly professional.

Jess switched out of her uniform and into her pajamas. She crawled into bed with the book she'd been reading, glad for the solitude that the otherwise unoccupied bunk room offered. She had spent so much time during the day trying to remember names and answering questions that the quiet was a welcome luxury she planed to fully enjoy.

However her body had other ideas and it wasn't long before she nodded off to sleep.

"No! Get your, stop, I'll kill you!" Jess woke up screaming, soaked in sweat. It took her a moment to figure out where she really was and bring her emotions under control.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and looked at the clock; 0323. Jess sighed. She hadn't had a nightmare since resuming her military duties and had hoped she was finally rid of them. Still experience told her there would be no more sleep tonight.

The images from the dream were lapping at the recesses of her mind and she needed something more than a stark bunk room to shake them. Jess remembered Daniel had shown her a workout facility earlier in the day and decided it would have to do. She dug though her things for a uniform and her PT gear. Once dressed, she headed out for an early morning workout.

After a run and full circuit on the weights, Jess was still wound tight. She saw a heavy bag in the back corner of the room and decided to work it over for awhile. Maybe something a little more violent would help settle her nerves.

With every punch and kick Jess worked out her anger. Silently she pledged that the past would not rule her future. In her mind she repeated the creed she always did on nights like this; she was okay, she was in control, and she could get beyond this. The louder her thoughts got, the harder her hits got. I, jab, am, knee, okay, kick hook cross.

"Whoa, I think its dead," an anonymous voice came from behind her.

Startled by the interruption, Jess spun around, guard up against any potential attack.

"Hey! I give, uncle," Cam held his hands up in the universal sign for surrender.

Jess was breathing heavily and didn't drop her hands immediately, taking a split second for instinct to give way to reason. She connected the dots between where her mind had taken her and where she really was, quickly snapping to attention.

"Sorry Sir, I didn't hear you come in," she apologized.

"I figured that much," Cam watched the soldier, it wasn't normal to be working out at this time of the morning, and from the look of it, she'd been at it for a while. "At ease O'Connor."

Jess walked over to the bench she had left her towel on. She grabbed it and wiped the sweat from her face.

"So I've got an early morning briefing, what's your excuse," Cam handed Jess the bottle of water that had been sitting with her towel. Reluctantly, she took it from him.

"I couldn't sleep Sir. New surroundings and all," Jess hoped the explanation would be enough.

"Ever try warm milk?" Cam tired to lighten the tone of the conversation a little.

"No Sir, I haven't. I'll keep it in mind," Jess was just grateful he wasn't really pushing the issue.

They stood in an awkward silence. Jess was still trying to catch her breath and really didn't know what to say. Truth was she found Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell frustrating. She wasn't entirely sure why either, which just perplexed her all the more.

"I think I've finished up here Sir," Jess decided it wasn't worth trying to force a conversation. She waited to see if Cam gave any sign of wanting the formality of a salute and dismissal, but he just nodded and headed toward the free weights. Satisfied, Jess retreated to the woman's locker room.

* * *

One bonus of being a woman at a top secret military facility is you usually didn't have to worry about sharing showers. There just weren't enough women at the SGC to cause traffic jams, and given the still early hour Jess had the whole facility to herself.

She let the hot water wash over her and finally started to feel like a normal human being again. Jess laughed at herself; maybe she should have just tried the shower to begin with.

When she'd finished, she turned the water off and wrapped up in a towel. She had found an empty locker to stow her stuff in and returned to it to get dressed. With her spirit finally quiet, she began running through what she needed to get done for the day.

Sam entered the locker room surprised to hear anyone else. She wanted to get a quick workout in before her 0600 pre-mission briefing and hadn't expected to find any one else up at the early hour.

As Sam walked around the bank of lockers she caught a glimpse of Jess clasping her bra. Down the junior officer's back, starting mid-shoulder blade, was a series of short, horizontal scars. Their symmetry and pattern reminded Sam of a tally, and made it obvious they were purposeful.

Jess felt eyes on her. Very few people had ever seen the scars. Jess made a point to stay covered up. Only her Aunt Maggie had ever had the nerve to ask her about them and found out quickly just how little Jess was willing to share.

There was only one other person that knew what the scars were really all about and he was dead. Jess had seen to that herself.

Sam cleared her throat and tried to stop staring. "Morning, I didn't expect to find anyone else in here." She moved to her own locker and started grabbing the things she needed.

"Morning Ma'am, I'll be done in a minute," Jess finished getting dressed and tied her hair up in a bun.

She gave Sam a quick salute as she gathered up her things and made for the door.

Sam was inclined to just let her go, but decided against it. She might not know the details, but the scars confirmed what she had been suspecting. Jess had been through something horrible in the war, probably even tortured. "Major, hold on a second."

Jess stopped and turned back to the highest ranking female officer in the SGC.

"Listen Jess, there aren't a lot of women in this program, on the ships or here at command," Sam used the major's first name to establish a friendly tenor. "I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need a friend, don't let my rank get in the way."

"Thank you Ma'am, that's good to know." Jess hoped it was true, she could always use a friend.


	3. Chapter 3

In the blink of an eye six months had gone by. During that time, a new enemy called the Ori had been discovered, an ally named Vala had been lost, and Jess had begun to feel a part of something important again. She knew a lot of that came from the friendships she'd developed, both on her ship and beyond.

Jess' squadron had fully accepted her. They tended to treat her like a kid sister, which she kind of liked. She was by far the biggest risk taker out of the group and the others respected her ability to pull it off.

Sam was as good as her word. Jess was thankful to have a female friend within the larger operation that she could talk to. Working for a top secret military program had its unique stressors and Sam was a great sounding board. Not to mention spectacular at pool. During a weekend long leave from Prometheus, Sam and Jess had met up at O'Malley's for a girl's night out.

Jess found Daniel to be another trustworthy friend. They had more in common then Daniel would have first expected. It turned out that Jess was fluent in three Middle Eastern dialects and had extensively studied several cultures in the region. It was one of the few personal things Jess had divulged about herself.

Jess quickly learned that to know one member of SG1 was to know them all. The four member team was tightly knit. She liked Teal'c immediately. His stoicism reminded her of her uncle. Most of all she respected his commitment to freeing and uniting his people.

While Teal'c, Sam and Daniel all respected the fact that Jess didn't share much about her personal life or time before joining Prometheus, Cam liked to prod. His persistence caused them to butt heads on more than one occasion. Jess even had to remind herself that he was a higher ranking officer and bite her tongue a few times. But in general, they had found a mutual respect for each others abilities as Air Force officers and kept it at that.

For Jess, life had established a certain rhythm and hum that she was enjoying more than she would have ever guessed she could have.

* * *

On this particular mission, Prometheus had been deployed to pick up SG1 who were stuck on a rebel Jaffa controlled planet. The Asgaard beaming technology on Prometheus meant this would be a simple grab and go operation that didn't require the 302s' skills. That meant the pilots had a lot of time on their hands, and Jess and Butch were wasting it playing cribbage.

Suddenly, general quarters sounded, and an announcement came over the intercom that Jess' squadron, blue squadron, was to report to the hanger bay. Immediately Butch and Jess jumped from the table and headed toward the hanger. The squadron leader, Lt. Col. Matthew Lynch, was there to meet them and brief his pilots.

"Here's the deal people," Matt went over the details. "The Jaffa have SG1 pinned down, and are closing in. SG1 has taken cover in a cave for the time being, but what ever the cave is made of is making it impossible for us to do the Scotty thing and beam them up. Our job is to bail them out. Any questions?"

"Sir, do we know if there are any enemy gliders?" Jess asked, trying to sound casual about it.

"Don't hold back your enthusiasm Major," Matt could see right through his best pilot. He knew how much she enjoyed flying circles around any enemy. "Yeah, we've confirmed that there are four gliders supporting the ground troops."

After outlining an attack plan that included letting Jess and one other pilot take on the gliders, everyone rushed to their fighters.

"Ready Butch?" Jess asked once they were strapped in.

"You know, I can hear your smile over the radio," he answered.

Jess laughed in response and punched it, launching the 302 into the blackness of space.

It didn't take long to engage the gliders, it was almost as if they were waiting for Prometheus to arrive. The fight was fast and furious with constant chatter over the radio. The gilders were better fighters then they normally went up against and Jess had a couple of close calls. But in the end the only planes to go down were piloted by Jaffa.

What seemed to be causing SG1 the most trouble was an onslaught from cannon welding Jaffa on the ground. Tucked relatively close to a steep bluff, their location was well protected allowing them to affectively raise hell for the 302 pilots, while giving their own troops an opportunity to advance on SG1s position. About all the 302s were accomplishing was to slow the Jaffa's progress.

With the gliders taken care of Jess turned her attention to the cannons.

"Butch?" she asked innocently.

"What?" Butch threw back to her.

"Do you trust me?" Jess questioned her co-pilot.

"With my life, but one question," Butch knew Jess very well by now. "Is this going to get us in trouble?"

"Well, see now that depends," Jess had a plan.

"On?" Butch inquired.

"On if this works or not," Jess was smiling again.

Between their location and the cave was a string of six cannons lined up in a row that ran parallel to a bluff. Those were the shooters causing the most trouble. Jess figured if she came in low and fast from the side, Butch would have time to target the cannons and take them out before the Jaffa would have a chance to readjust their aim.

The trick was that the rather ominous looking bluff was L-shaped. That meant Jess could only approach from one angle and faced a dead-end at the other side. Jess wasn't all together sure she'd be able to pull up in time. She assumed that's why none of the other pilots had tried the maneuver yet. Still, she felt the risk was necessary. As long as those cannons continued to do there thing, SG1 would remain pinned down.

Jess lined up and clued Butch in on the plan. He was all for it, but still made the sign of the cross. If this worked it would give SG1 the break they needed. If it didn't, well Butch figured he and Jess wouldn't get in trouble anyway on account of being dead.

The cover the 302s were laying down had given Cam just enough room to reposition himself inside the mouth of the cave. From that vantage point he had a limited view of the cannons. He knew they were the last major offense for the Jaffa and was trying to assess if there was anything SG1 could do to take them out.

As he was contemplating his limited options he saw one of the 302s coming in dangerously low from the opposite end. It didn't take a genius to figure out which pilot would take that kind of a chance.

"O'Connor," he said aloud.

"What's going on?" Sam was at his shoulder but back enough that she couldn't see what was developing.

"Get back," Cam ordered, having his team take cover back further in the cave just in case.

Butch hit all six targets scattering Jaffa in every which direction.

"That's all of 'em girl, now climb!" he yelled into his radio.

Jess didn't need the encouragement she'd already pulled the stick back and laid on the throttle trying to increase their vertical velocity. It was going to be close, very close.

"Come on, come on, damn it climb baby, climb!" She encouraged her jet.

As they reached the top, the 302 clipped a couple of trees, but otherwise safely cleared the bluff. Jess let out a sigh of relief and loosened the death grip she had on the stick.

"Jess darlin'?" Butch asked Jess' over the radio.

"Yeah?" Jess answered.

"How come you never sweet talk me like that?" Butch teased.

Jess laughed and turned the plane around. Just as they were getting back into range to reengage, Matt came over the radio saying SG1 was safely aboard Prometheus and all fighters were ordered to return to the ship.

Back in the hanger bay, Jess and Butch climbed out of the jet to the congratulations of the other crew members. She was right, the maneuver had given SG1 the time they needed to get out of the cave and safely rescued.

But the celebration came to an abrupt end with the appearance of one very angry Lt. Colonel.

"Major! On me," Cam didn't stop to see if Jess was following his order. He just walked toward the side of the hanger where there was a small storage room. He threw the door open then slammed it shut again once they were both inside.

"Just what the hell was that?" The only word to describe his demeanor was livid.

"Sir?" Jess was a little confused. She just saved his butt and he was yelling at her? She certainly didn't expect a thank you, but the wrath of Kahn didn't make sense either.

"That has to be the most stupid, reckless, idiotic move I have ever seen. Just what exactly were you thinking up there?" Cam was pacing in front of the pilot as best as he could in the cramped quarters, too angry to stay still.

Jess' body language was defiant. While Cam ranted, she stood rigidly at attention. Jess wasn't a tall woman, but she used every inch of height that she had. Her jaw was set and her eyes were on fire.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir," Jess spat out the salutation.

"Oh, I gotta hear this. Ok Major, granted," Cam was so ticked he hadn't noticed the non-verbal cues that Jess was telegraphing.

"With all due respect Sir, five of the last seven missions we've been deployed on have been to bail your team out of a tight spot. So if you want to have a conversation about recklessness, maybe you should be doing it in front of a mirror," Jess' steely eyes locked on Cam's to punctuate her boldness.

She knew he could write her up for insubordination, but right now she didn't care. Jess wasn't one to turn away from a fight when she felt she was in the right regardless of who her opponent was.

Cam was stunned; he had expected an excuse or an apology, but calling him on the mat? That was the last thing he thought she'd do. Hell, he out ranked her!

Jess held her ground for a few moments longer, then hearing nothing else from the Lt. Colonel she decided to end the staring match and walked past him. She threw the door open and marched back out into the hanger.

"Hey!" Cam yelled after her, but Jess didn't stop.

"Major, ten hut!" Cam was on her heels.

At the command, Jess executed a parade quality about face. Her reaction was so quick that Cam nearly ran straight into her. They were well within each others personal space, but neither one was about to back down.

"I didn't dismiss you soldier," Cam knew it was a power play and he was using his six inches of extra height to full advantage. But Jess wasn't flinching. She stood at attention and waited.

"Dismissed," Cam whispered his order.

"Sir, yes Sir," Jess snapped a smart salute, then did another about face and marched out of the hanger.

Cam stormed off too, mumbling to himself as he went.

Daniel let out a long slow whistle and looked at Sam who tilted her head and raised her eyebrows in reaction to what they'd just witnessed.

* * *

Jess threw her flight helmet into the corner of her quarters. She wanted to scream. How dare he come at her like that. Where did he get off? He wasn't even her commanding officer. At least if Matt had done it, he would have had clear authority over her.

She was pacing back and forth gritting her teeth when she heard a knock at her door. Jess suppressed an urge to yell at the knocker.

"Come," was all she could manage.

Matt had seen the tail end of the altercation just like the rest of the crew. He wasn't pleased with Cam for circumventing his authority by going after one of his pilots, but he was even more disappointed with Jess for her display.

"Major, do you want to explain that little display of yours?" He asked.

"Sir, sorry Sir, I was out of line. It shouldn't have happened," Jess was back to standing at a tense attention. She knew she had it coming.

"At ease O'Connor," Matt walked over to the small desk in the corner and leaned against it crossing his arms and legs.

He was at an impasse as to what exactly he wanted to do with her. As the officer she'd wronged, it was at Cam's discretion to pursue the apparent insubordination. At the same time, as her CO, he couldn't just let it go with out addressing the issue.

"I'm putting you on two weeks leave," Matt half sighed.

"Sir, I admit I was out of line, but two weeks," Jess was wide-eyed.

"Major, the whole crew is going on leave," Matt waved her off. "Prometheus is due for a major upgrade. We've all been on active duty for the better part of six months, and I think you just proved how much you need some time off this boat."

Jess nodded, understanding that it wasn't punishment, even if it felt that way. She knew she should count herself lucky. In reality, this should be going down as a black mark against her record.

"It will be up to Lt. Col. Mitchell to decide if he wants to pursue anything official," Matt wiped out her little glimmer of hope. "Jess, I strongly suggest that you apologize to him."

"Yes Sir, I will," Jess promised her commanding officer.

Lynch waited to make sure his point had truly penetrated that inch thick skull of hers. He didn't understand why Jess and Cam seemed to get under each others skin so easily, but he knew it was something they would have to workout on their own. The most he could do was try to grease the skids a little with Cam before they got back to Earth. Jess was a great pilot, and a natural with plenty of potential to excel given the proper guidance. He'd hate to see that tarnished because of a personal difference between the two officers.

Satisfied that Jess meant what she said about apologizing he walked back to the door.

"And O'Connor," Matt turned back before leaving. "Good job today."


	4. Chapter 4

Jess had mixed feelings about two weeks leave. She was glad to get the break and looking forward to spending some time at the ranch. Still, she was growing use to her new life, and didn't like the idea of an extended break from it. Two weeks was a long time, upgrades to the ship or not.

As with everything in her life as of late, things started and ended at the SGC. Prometheus dropped off all non essential crew there along with SG1. There would be a medical check and short debriefing before they would be dismissed.

Jess didn't have a car at the base and was hoping to bribe Hank for a ride home by promising him some of her Aunt Maggie's home-cooking. Divorced old general's rarely passed up a meal prepared by someone other than a hair-net wearing food service worker.

She knocked on the general's door and stepped in when invited.

"Come to pawn a ride home?" Hank asked the young pilot. He had been planning on it anyway. He wanted to have a little chat with her about a certain outburst with a particular Lt. Colonel.

"I called Maggie and she said there's a bowl of peach cobbler in it for you," Jess tried to butter up her old friend.

"Peach, huh, I've always been more of a cherry cobbler kind of guy myself," Hank answered rubbing his belly absent mindedly.

Jess just waited. Gen. Hank Landry never turned down a sweet, regardless of the flavor.

Hank smiled knowing Jess wasn't buying it.

"I've got a couple of things I need to finish up first. Meet me topside in half an hour," he dismissed Jess.

Jess wandered the hallways trying to decide how best to kill the time. Most the crew from Prometheus had already scattered, leaving her on her own.

"Hey Jess," Daniel quickened his steps to catch up with her.

"Hi Daniel," Jess smiled. She was glad to see at least one member of SG1 was still talking to her.

Jess hadn't had a chance to apologize to Cam yet for her misbehavior. She wanted to keep her promise to her CO, but there just hadn't been the right opportunity yet. It seemed there was always someone else around.

"Hi. Listen, we're off for the weekend so Sam, Cam and I are planning on going to O'Malley's to shoot some pool tonight. Would you want to join us?" Daniel asked.

"Thanks, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Jess declined, wary of intruding on a team outing especially given her standings with said team's leader.

"Because of what happened with Cam on Prometheus?" Daniel asked. He didn't understand the combativeness between Jess and Cam, but he was willing to bear the olive branch. Daniel hoped a little off base interaction might help the two find some common ground. The tension between the pair wasn't doing anyone any good.

"I just wouldn't want to intrude," Jess tried to dismiss Daniel's spot on conclusion.

"You know, he's not such a bad guy once you get to know him," Daniel kept trying. "It's up to you, but I think you should come."

Jess thought about it, carefully weighing Daniel's advice. Finally she decided it would probably be an opportunity to make nice with SG1s commanding officer. Like each other or not, they did need to work together. Crow wasn't exactly Jess' favorite flavor, but she could swallow it when she had to.

"Yeah, you're right. At least it can't hurt to try," Jess accepted Daniel's invitation. "What about Teal'c?"

"He's taking the couple of days off to go visit his son Rya'c," Daniel explained.

"So do you want me to pick you up?" He added trying his best to sound casual about it.

"Thanks for the offer, but my place is pretty far out of the way. It'll probably be better if I just meet you there," Jess carefully maneuvered around the situation.

"Ok then, we'll be there about 8 o'clock. Oh wait that's 2000 to you military types," Daniel teased.

Jess laughed lightly at Daniel's joke, "I'll probably be running late, but I'll get there as soon as I can."

* * *

Hank turned the key in the ignition and pulled his truck out of the parking lot. Neither he nor Jess broke the comfortable silence until after they passed the last security check point.

"So, you want to talk about it?" Hank questioned his passenger.

"Sir?" Jess played dumb.

"Jess, I'm asking you as a friend not a superior officer," Hank looked over at her.

She sighed. Jess knew he'd have heard about the row, and figured he'd ask her about it. She just wasn't sure how to explain why Cam irked her so badly.

"I know I shouldn't have lost my temper with Lt. Colonel Mitchell," Jess tried to explain her misconduct. "I just couldn't help it. He puts his team at risk during every mission and more times then not, that means we get deployed to go save their butts. But then he has the audacity to call me reckless? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!"

"Jess, Cameron Mitchell is one of the best officers I've ever had under my command," Hank tried to explain. "The nature of SG1's missions means they have to take risks everyday. But it also means they need to rely on the other teams to safely bail them out on occasion."

Hank paused picking his next words carefully.

"Listen kiddo, I know you didn't want to get pulled back into all this military crap. But I need you, your squadron relies on you and the other SG teams need to know they can count on you. Find a way to make nice with Mitchell," Hank used his military commander voice for the last sentence.

Jess sat silently mulling over his words. He was right of course.

"Did you just call me kiddo?" She tried to relieve the tension that had built between them.

"Jessica," Landry was trying to be serious.

"I know. You're right. I've already got plans to make nice with the Lt. Colonel, I promise," Jess reassured Hank.

* * *

Dinner was warm and comfortable and relaxing. Maggie had out done herself. She worried that Jess didn't eat enough while away and was trying to make up for it all in one meal.

Stuffed to the gills, Jess helped clean up the kitchen then excused herself so she could get ready.

For the first time in a long time, she struggled to find something to wear. She wasn't even sure why she cared, but she did, very much. Finally she settled on a pair of dark blue jeans, a cream-colored satin camisole and her favorite tan corduroy blazer. She was pulling on a well worn pair of cowboy boots when Maggie knocked at her door.

"You look nice," Maggie tried to remember the last time she'd seen Jess with make up on. Jess had even left her hair down, to fall softly to her shoulders. "What's his name?"

Jess gave Maggie a sarcastic look, "Why does it have to be about a guy? Maybe I just felt like dressing up a bit."

That was the truth too. Jess wasn't sure exactly what was motivating her, but what she did know is that she was feeling more confident in her self then she had since getting back from Iraq. She turned to her dresser, removing her dog tags and giving one last look at her reflection in the mirror.

Maggie walked into the room and rested her hands on Jess' shoulders. "Something's different about you?"

"I kept my hair down," Jess caught Maggie's eyes in the mirror.

"No, that's not it," Maggie gave Jess one of her proud mother type looks. Regardless of bloodlines, Maggie was the closest thing Jess had to a mom and their bond reflected that.

"I don't know what they have you doing for months at a time under that mountain, but it's put the life back in your eyes," Maggie said with an unmistakable air of relief.

Jess turned so she was facing Maggie, "I've told you all along, I'm going to be alright. I just need time."

The two women hugged, and then Jess grabbed her keys off the dresser.

"By the way, don't wait up for me," she said as the pair walked out of the room.

"So there is a guy!" Maggie exclaimed.

Jess's only reply was a side ways grin and a shrug.

* * *

It was closer to 2100 by the time Jess drove back into town. She walked into O'Malley's and quickly spotted Daniel and Sam playing pool. Cam was watching the match from a near by table, nursing the final sips of his beer.

'No time like the present,' Jess thought to her self and walked up to the bar.

Jess was greeted almost immediately, "Well hello there stranger!"

"Hey Charlie," Jess adored the grandfatherly bartender, and leaned across the bar to give him a peck on the cheek.

"So, what'll it be?" Charlie asked.

"To pints of Harp," Jess ordered.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Two-fisting it from the get-go? Should I alert the cab company?"

"Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do," Jess laughed. She leaned in as if to tell Charlie a secret, "They're not both for me."

The two carried on while Charlie poured the beers.

Jess paid and took the two pint glasses, walking up behind where Cam was sitting. She gave herself one last deep breath before moving in to break the ice.

Cam saw a beer sliding across the table toward him, and looked to see who was doing the sliding. He was surprised to find a certain hot-headed 302 pilot standing in front of him. Daniel and Sam hadn't bothered to tell him Jess had been invited.

"What's this?" Cam pointed to the beer.

"Peace offering," Jess said taking a nervous sip from her own glass.

"I see," Cam eyed the glass then the woman.

He hadn't seen her out of uniform before and was surprised at the change. She actually looked soft and feminine rather than like the tightly wound soldier he'd come to know. That's not to say that Cam hadn't noticed she was beautiful, he'd picked up on that fact straight away when they first met. He was after all still just a guy.

He'd also quickly discovered that she was a willful pilot who was bound to get herself killed if she didn't learn how to curb her risk taking impulses. Based on his recent conversation with Matt, her CO agreed with him. Still, her fearlessness was part of what made her such a stellar addition to the 302 team, and so intriguing to Cam on a more personal level.

"So, truce?" Jess asked by way of an apology.

Cam picked up the glass.

"Truce," he offered. Like he'd explained to Matt, as long as she made an effort, he wouldn't pursue any disciplinary action against her. It wasn't worth it to him.

Jess relaxed a little. Cam was smiling at her like he had that first day in Hank's office; as though he knew something Jess didn't. Only this time it didn't bother her.

"Jess, you made it! Get over here and help me, Sam's kicking my butt," Daniel broke up the peace accord that he and Sam had observed from afar.

"Duty calls," Jess smiled. She shrugged off her coat, leaving it draped over a chair, and headed over by Sam and Daniel.

Several hours and a few games later, the foursome had given up on pool and was sitting at the table amicably trading stories over another round of beer. With each anecdote, the tales became increasingly exaggerated and the tellers all the more animated in typical one-upmanship fashion. Jess was thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to watch SG1 interact in such a casual setting.

"So O'Connor, we've all been talking our heads off and once again, you've managed to avoid saying much of anything," Cam was feeling emboldened by the beer.

Jess knew that tone of voice well by now, but decided she had enough moxy to meet his challenge. With both of them out of uniform, it seemed safer to blur the line between their individual ranks.

"What can I say, I'm a good listener," she gave him her best innocent look.

"Oh you are not getting out of it this time. If you're going to drink with us, you need to start giving up some of this mystery persona of yours," he wasn't backing down.

"Okay Sir, in the spirit of our newly formed accord, you get one personal question, which I swear, on my Girl Scout's honor, to answer as truthfully as I can," she flashed him a sly smile, holding three fingers up in the Girl Scout salute.

"You were a Girl Scout?" Daniel interjected, which got both Sam and Jess giggling.

"Ok, here's my question," Cam shuffled in his chair and leaned in on his elbows very dramatically. "What were you doing for the nine months that are blocked out of your official record?"

"Can't tell you, it's classified," Jess was miffed, though not all together surprised. She'd been hoping for something easy like where did you go to school or did you always want to be a pilot. She should have known better.

"Oh come on O'Connor, you might not be able to supply the details, but you can at least generalize," Cam was not going to loose this golden opportunity.

Jess matched Cam's posture, and eyed him up.

"Ok, fine. The cliff notes version," she conceded.

"My language skills got me recruited for a special ops mission that…let's just say it didn't go as planned," Jess stumbled slightly over what exactly she should or shouldn't say. "It cost me a three weeks stay at Club al Qaeda."

"You were a POW?" Daniel asked for clarification.

Jess nodded, then continued, "Once I was rescued, I spent a few months in the hospital recovering, and after that was given an honorable discharge."

She shrugged trying to look casual about the whole affair and failing miserably. Jess grabbed her beer intending to swallow down the last gulp.

"Is that when you got the scars?" Sam half choked back her question.

Jess froze with the glass almost to her lips. She moved just her eyes to catch Sam's. Unable to verbalize an answer to the sensitive question, she simply nodded, then finished her drink.

"What scars?" Cam was intrigued that Sam knew something that visibly rattled Jess.

"Oh, sorry, thanks for playing, but the rules clearly stated that you received one question, and only one question," Jess waved him off in as joking a tone as she could muster. "But we do have a lovely parting gift for you Sir."

Without a pause Jess was up and out of her chair, falling back on a tried and true defense mechanism, "I need another drink, anybody else ready?"

She walked toward the bar before anyone had a chance to answer. She needed a moment to compose her self.

"Sam, what scars?" Daniel was concerned. He knew very little about Jack's time as a prisoner of war, but knew it had been a horrifying experience that still caused his friend nightmares.

Sam regretted bringing it up, clearly Jess wasn't comfortable with the topic.

"I saw them one day in the locker room when Jess first started," Sam sighed. "From mid shoulder blade to the small of her back, there's a row of horizontal tick marks, almost like a tally."

"What are they from?" Cam didn't like the sound of it.

"I never asked. I figured it was probably something she wouldn't want to talk about, and obviously I was right," Sam answered.

"I don't understand, that sounds like torture, and I thought the Geneva Convention protected POW's from things like that," Daniel's brow was furrowed with confusion.

"Daniel, don't be so naive," Jess berated him as she walked back up to the table. "Look, the Iraqis I met were good and honorable people. I still count several of them as friends. But these were terrorists, not soldiers who obey international rules of engagement. For Christ sake, they cut peoples' heads off on TV as a form of propaganda. The Geneva Convention isn't even in their vocabulary. Now can we please drop it?"

Jess sat back down with what she'd already decided would be her last drink of the evening. She didn't want them to think they'd run her off, but she didn't want to be there anymore either. She figured one more drink and then she could go.

Mercifully, Cam changed the topic to something less depressing. He carefully matched her drinking pace, ensuring to finish his beer the same time she was done with hers. Cam wasn't an idiot and knew Jess was looking to make a quick escape.

She'd tried earlier in the night to smooth things over between the two of them, and now his prying had put them right back at square one. He wanted a chance to say he was sorry, but felt it was something he should do in private.

Beer finished, Jess casually announced she needed to go. She stood up and put her jacket on.

"I'll walk you out," Cam stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair.

"Thank you Sir, but I'm fine," Jess tried to say it in a way that wouldn't leave room for argument.

"I've got to get going anyway," Cam ignored her tone of voice and motioned for her to lead the way. "Ladies first."

Jess decided it was better not to make a scene and just gave Daniel and Sam one last wave goodbye before marching quickly toward the door.

"Hey slow down there soldier," Cam caught her arm as they exited the building.

Jess stopped and turned toward Cam, shaking his grip off her arm. It had started to flurry and there was a dusting of white clinging to the cars.

"Sir, I appreciate the gesture, but I can find my car just fine on my own," Jess tried again to escape his company. Cam was the last person she wanted to talk to at the moment. She gave him a half-hearted smile and turned to walk away, only to have him follow her.

"So why do you do that?" Cam shoved his hands in his pockets and tailed her like a lost puppy.

"Do what Sir?" Jess was exasperated and didn't stop walking till she reached her car. She dug her car keys out of her pocket and leaned against the door. It was clear that Cam wasn't going to let her leave without saying what was on his mind.

"All night it's been Sam this and Daniel that, but I'm still Sir," Cam made air quotes around the salutation.

"Daniel is a civilian," Jess pointed out the obvious.

"But Sam's not. As a matter of fact, she's the same rank as I am," Cam leaned against the car next to Jess. He purposefully slid closer to her to see what she would do.

Jess moved over so there was a more comfortable amount of space between them.

"On base I follow standard protocol, but off base Sam's my friend," Jess said pointedly.

"And I'm not," Cam shifted closer again.

"No, Sir, you're not." Jess stopped leaning on the car, re-establishing the distance between them for a second time.

"I see, well I'll just say what I have to say then," Cam reached up and brushed off some of the snow that had fallen on his hair.

"I'm sorry I put you in an uncomfortable spot in there. I hope it won't bring an immediate end to our little truce, because I would like to think we could be friends too," Cam looked at the woman across from him. She was masking her emotions again.

"Thank you Sir. Apology accepted. Now I really do need to go," Jess tried to brush past him to put her key in the lock, fully expecting him to move. But Cam stood his ground putting them close enough that Jess could feel the heat radiating off his body.

"Excuse me Sir," she said with out giving him the satisfaction of eye contact.

Cam leaned in just the slightest bit and whispered in her ear, "Goodnight Jess."

Then he walked over to his own car, leaving one very frustrated major still standing in the snow.


	5. Chapter 5

Jess walked into the house and found Maggie asleep in the recliner, tucked in under a well worn afghan. A book lay open on her lap and she was snoring lightly. It had been close to 0200 when Jess left O'Malley's, and she figured that Maggie had fallen asleep while waiting up for her.

Maggie stirred at the sound of Jess shuffling in and blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

Seeing her aunt was awake, Jess walked across the sunken living room to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the decanter of good Irish whiskey along with two high ball glasses. She hadn't said a word yet and Maggie shifted uncomfortably at her silence.

"I thought I said not to wait up for me?" Jess gently teased. She poured a measure of the whiskey into one glass for Maggie and a double measure in the other for herself.

Maggie thought about making an excuse, than decided against it, "I thought you might want to talk when you got home."

Jess walked over and handed Maggie the glass, then squished down into the overstuffed love seat next to the recliner. At that moment, being hugged by the familiar couch cushions was exactly what Jess needed.

"They asked about Iraq tonight," Jess sighed and looked into her glass like it held the answers she was searching for. "Somehow it always comes back to Iraq."

Rather than say anything, Maggie reached out and placed her hand on the younger woman's arm.

"I was there. It sucked, and now I'm home. Why won't people just let it be?" A lone tear escaped her hazel eyes, the emotions turning them almost green.

"Honey, I love you. What happened over there can't change that," Maggie said with conviction. "But you've been so distant since you got back. People ask because they want to understand. Because they care."

Jess knew that was true for her aunt and uncle. They knew what she was like before her life was up-ended. But it didn't explain why Cam refused to let things be. She just wasn't willing to discuss it with him.

"Did you know that Nick Mason and his wife had a baby girl?" Jess asked.

Maggie shook her head no. She knew Jess and Sergeant Mason had been close friends in Iraq, and still spoke on a regular basis. But Maggie didn't follow the abrupt change in topic.

"It was my choice to stay behind," Jess swirled the whiskey round in the glass.

"It was utter chaos Maggie. Months of planning and rehearsing where shot straight to hell," she tried to explain. "Two of our men were already dead, including our CO. They'd zeroed in on my position. If the rest were going to get out, they needed to move fast. Trying to save me would have wasted too much time. That's why I stayed, so the others would have a chance."

"But I thought you never leave a person behind?" Maggie questioned.

"That's what I'm saying," Jess looked her aunt directly in the eye. "They didn't leave me. I was the highest ranking officer still alive. I ordered them to go."

Maggie understood now. The rest of the team got out because Jess stayed. Without her sacrifice they would probably all have been imprisoned or worse. And Nick Mason and his wife might not have a brand new baby girl.

Jess sat her untouched glass of whiskey down on the small end table between the recliner and the love seat. She'd had enough to drink for one night. "If I had to do it over again, I would. It was worth it. But that doesn't mean I want to talk about it."

There was a tense pause in the conversation. Maggie wasn't sure what to say. This was the most Jess had revealed about what happened to her. She was so proud of her niece, but equally unsure of how to express it.

"I'm going to bed," Jess got up and put her glass on the kitchen counter. "Goodnight."

* * *

Jess wasn't surprised when she woke up because of the nightmare. It was practically inevitable after talking about it.

She'd barely gotten three hours of sleep, and there was no sense in trying to get anymore. So she wrapped a warm blanket over her shoulders, slipped her feet into her winter boots, and headed out to watch the world wake up from the porch swing.

Joe came out about an hour later, two cups of coffee in his hand. Jess found it ironic how serious conversations always seemed to involve having something to drink.

"Haven't heard you up with a nightmare in a while," Joe handed Jess one of the cups.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Jess apologized. She blew on the coffee before taking a sip.

"I'd ask you if you wanted to talk about it but I already know the answer," Joe looked down at Jess wrapped up, knees pulled in tight. Even with the blanket she had to be cold. Late October in Colorado usually meant crisp mornings, and today was no exception. The light flurry from the night before still coated to the cars and gravel drive.

Joe would give anything to take away the pain his niece was going through. She was his brother's daughter, but over the years she'd become the child that Maggie and Joe had been unable to conceive.

As a Vietnam veteran, Joe knew first hand that some wounds could never fully heal. But he hoped Jess would eventually find some way to come to terms with what ever had happened in that desert.

For Joe, the catalyst to recovery had been Maggie. Without her love and support he honestly believed he wouldn't have found his way home from the dark place the war took him. Iraq on the other hand had robbed Jess of that kind of intimacy, and Joe worried that he and Maggie weren't enough of a substitution.

"If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." Joe felt useless, and that was a strange place for him to be.

Jess looked her uncle in the eye and the two shared a silent exchange. Having done all he could, Joe turned to head toward the barn.

"Horses need feeding when you're ready," he called back over his shoulder. Jess smiled, you couldn't argue with cowboy sensibility.

* * *

Maggie woke up and found a note on the kitchen counter explaining that Jess and Joe had gone down to the barn to look after the horses and chores and would be back up by lunch time.

Maggie was worried about Jess after last night. There'd been so much life in her before going out and then such defeat when she came home. Still, worrying the day away wouldn't do either one of them any good, so Maggie set about her own chores.

Running the ranch was a full-time year-round job. Horses and cattle didn't care about troubles, and didn't leave time for wallowing in them. Maggie found the unforgiving pace of the ranch therapeutic at times like this.

After getting the wash started and cleaning the floors and living room, Maggie sat down at the office computer to start balancing the books. Half way through her task, the door bell rang. Maggie took her reading glasses off as she walked to answer the door.

When she opened it, she was surprised to find a very handsome blue-eyed man standing on her porch dressed casually in jeans and a leather jacket.

"Hi, I'm looking for Major Jessica O'Connor," the man said. Maggie could tell right away that he was military. They all had a way about them.

"I'm Maggie O'Connor, Jess' aunt," Maggie eyed him warily. Jess was suppose to be on leave, so what did he need. "And you are?"

"Oh, sorry, Daniel Jackson, I work with your niece," Daniel held out his hand to shake Maggie's.

"Jess and Joe are down at the barn, but I expect them up any time now, you're welcome to wait for her if you'd like," Maggie wasn't sure what Daniel wanted but thought it best to let him in. She opened the door wide, inviting Daniel to the living room.

"Can I offer you a cup of coffee?" she asked.

"Coffee would be great," Daniel answered. He looked around the room surprised that Jess would live on a ranch when she wasn't on base.

"So are you Jess' commanding officer?" Maggie asked while she poured the coffee. She was fishing for information.

"Ah, no, I'm not in the military," Daniel said absent mindedly. A photo of what he guessed was a young Jess on horseback had caught his eye.

Maggie was intrigued; she usually was very good at spotting military personnel. "So if you're not military what are you?"

"I'm an archeologist," Daniel answered honestly then picked up the picture and tried to change the subject. "Is this Jess?"

* * *

Maggie and Daniel were seated at the kitchen island, chatting amicably when they heard the back door open and Joe and Jess come in. The two were arguing over the best way to deal with a cut on a horse's leg and didn't notice that there was company.

"Boots! I just cleaned these floors," Maggie scolded. Joe and Jess quickly looked up from their discussion to sheepishly apologize. That's when Jess spotted him.

"Daniel?" Jess was shocked to see him setting in her kitchen.

"Hi," Daniel was amused at the sight of the major in dusty jeans and a Stetson.

Dumbfounded, Jess turned back to the mud room with out another word. She removed her boots like she'd been told, and hung her hat on a hook. Then she high-tailed it back to the kitchen, assuming something must be wrong for Daniel to have tracked her down.

"Is everything ok? Is there an emergency?" Jess' questions rushed out.

Daniel looked at her sideways, where those pigtails? "No, everything's fine. I was just in the neighborhood."

Jess eyed him suspiciously. There was no "neighborhood" to be in this far out. "How'd you get my address?"

Maggie recognized that Jess was winding up and decided to defuse the situation. "Jess, why don't you and Joe go get cleaned up while Daniel and I get lunch on the table."

Jess looked at her aunt, then back at Daniel, then at Maggie again. She was astounded that he was there and wanted an explanation, but figured it was best to wait until Joe and Maggie were out of ear shot just in case it had to do with something at the base.

"I'll be right back," she gave Daniel another questioning look before heading down the hall to clean up.

Jess fidgeted through lunch as Daniel charmed Maggie. He seemed far too relaxed for something to be wrong, which made his appearance all the more perplexing to Jess.

After everyone was finished eating, Maggie asked Joe to help her clean up in the kitchen, leaving Jess and Daniel to talk.

"So I take it you're not happy to see me," Daniel was sipping another cup of coffee.

"It's not that, I'm just surprised." Jess toyed with her own mug. "How did you find out where I live?"

"Privilege of being on SG1," Daniel tried to sound important, but quickly caved with the truth. "Walter."

Jess couldn't resist smiling at that one, but it still didn't explain why he'd come. Jess figured he wouldn't spill it until they were out of ear shot of her family.

"Do you ride?" Jess abruptly changed topics.

"Huh?" Daniel wondered.

"Horses, can you ride a horse?" she asked again.

"Well, yeah, I mean, how hard can it be. Why?" Daniel wasn't sure where Jess was going with this.

"Wait here," Jess got up, and left the house.

A short time later she called in to Daniel, telling him to grab his jacket and follow her, which he did.

Outside were two horses, saddled and waiting for riders. Jess pointed to the gray one, "That's Marley; he's a bit lazy, but he's gentle. Why don't you mount up and I'll check the stirrups."

"You're kidding right?" Daniel looked at the horse and then Jess, then the horse again. "I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to horses."

Jess just waited.

"Ok, you're not kidding," Daniel tentatively walked over and awkwardly got on the horse.

Jess tapped behind his knee, "Lift up."

He complied and she adjusted some straps, then had him put his foot back in the stirrup. "How's that feel?"

"Fine?" Daniel scrunched up his face, not sure how it was suppose to feel.

She moved over to the other side and fixed the other stirrup with the same ease. Then mounted her own horse.

"You okay?" The sight of Dr. Daniel Jackson on a horse was just short of comical. "We can't really talk here with my aunt and uncle around so I thought we'd take a ride."

After some quick reining instructions, Jess turned and headed up the length of the ranch toward the mountains. Without any command from Daniel, Marley followed her lead.

They rode in silence until they were surrounded by woods and quiet. The ranch was at a high enough elevation that a thin layer of snow was mixed with the fallen leaves and the horses hooves crunched along.

Eventually, Jess stopped in a grove of birch and pines, turning her horse to look out through a clearing in the trees. The view was spectacular, and Daniel pulled his horse up next to hers.

"This is amazing," Daniel said, breaking the silence between them.

"Yeah," Jess said not looking at Daniel. "This is my favorite spot on the ranch."

Jess swung down off her horse and tethered it to a fallen tree. Daniel followed suit, glad to have his feet back on solid ground.

"So what are you really doing here?" Jess asked.

"You seemed upset when you left last night, and I wanted to make sure you're okay," Daniel said sheepishly.

Jess smiled softly at him. Here she'd thought there was some top secret motive when really he was just concerned for her. "Thanks Daniel, you're a good friend, but I'm fine."

"Friend?" Daniel asked hopefully. He leaned against a tree.

Jess had been wondering if this would come up eventually. Daniel had been subtle, but still managed to make his interest in her pretty clear.

"Look, under different circumstances, maybe things would be, different," Jess tried to explain.

"I just don't really…date..." She was tripping over the words.

"Does this have anything to do with Cam?" Daniel nervously picked at his jacket sleeve.

"What would Lt. Col. Mitchell have to do with it?" Jess was shocked that Daniel would think otherwise.

"I don't know, nothing I guess," he was embarrassed for even bringing it up.

Jess looked at him from under her hat. There was something about Daniel that she just instinctively trusted. She couldn't explain it, but she did.

"I was engaged before the war," Jess confessed. "We were supposed to get married when I got home."

"Wow!" It was about the last thing that Daniel expected to hear. "So, what happened?"

"Too much reality," Jess looked out through the clearing again. "When I got back, Evan decided he couldn't handle everything that had happened and broke it off."

"I'm sorry," Daniel gave her his most sincere puppy dog look.

"I'm not," Jess kicked at the ground. "I couldn't blame him. He waited for weeks not knowing if I was alive or not. By the time I got home things just weren't the same, I'd changed."

Jess cut herself off.

"How do you do that?" She asked.

"Do what?" Daniel played dumb.

"Get me to say more than I want to," Jess really didn't understand how he managed to get her to talk without even trying.

"What don't you want to say?" Daniel shot back at her.

"Maybe we should head back," Jess looked back over her shoulder at the horses.

"Jess, I'm not going to stop being your friend because something bad happened to you while you were in Iraq," Daniel put it bluntly. "I think I've been through enough that I might even be able to understand."

Jess looked at Daniel, sizing him up. He was a good man and was probably right. She'd studied up on SG1, and Daniel had been through so much. The whole team had.

"It's just hard for me to talk about," Jess tried to deflect his questioning. She wasn't ready to open up that much just yet. "Maybe someday, but not today, okay?"

"Fair enough," Daniel didn't push it any further. He'd been friends with Jack long enough to know better. "So, any chance we can get back to the house with out getting back on the horses?"

Jess laughed. "Yeah, it's not that far of a walk."

The two grabbed their horses' leads and walked back down the way they came.

Jess knew that someday she would have to tell someone the whole of it. Somehow she knew confessing was the only way to truly heal, but to who and when she wasn't sure of just yet.


	6. Chapter 6

The remainder of her two weeks leave flew by for Jess. During her time off, she caught up with her friends Carrie and Allie for dinner and a movie. It was a fun night out and nice chance to put all things military completely out of her mind.

Mostly though, Jess stuck close to the ranch. There was so much to be done, and Joe had already let the summer help go. He refused to acknowledge his age and insisted he could handle it. Jess worked hard to help him get ahead while she was home, hoping it would ease the burden once she left again.

By the end of the last weekend, Jess was growing restless and wanted to get back on Prometheus. She longed for the excitement of flying, but she was also missing her friends.

It was easier for Prometheus to beam everyone back on board from the SGC. There were less security risks and it was just more organized that way. So Jess once again found herself in what were becoming familiar gray corridors.

After checking in with her CO, Jess made her way down the hall. She had a delivery to make and easily found the office she was looking for. There was a debate going on inside, but her time was limited so she decided to knock anyway.

"Come in," Daniel said. He and Cam were arguing over the importance of an artifact they had brought back from their most recent mission and he was glad for the distraction, especially when he saw it was Jess.

"Hey, has it been two weeks already?" He asked smiling broadly at her.

"Sir," Jess saluted Cam before answering Daniel's question.

"At ease Major," Cam gave her permission to relax.

"Daniel, please tell me you haven't been holed up here this entire time," Jess feigned surprise.

"Of course not," Daniel replied. "I've been to PX3-894 and PX6-372 and…"

"Okay, okay I get the picture," Jess laughed. "I've got a surprise for you."

Daniel noticed for the first time that Jess was holding something behind her back.

"Really?" He tried to sneak a peak around her.

"Aunt Maggie wouldn't let me leave with out sending this along," Jess held out a bag of coffee beans that her aunt had insisted she deliver to Daniel.

"I think she's got a crush on you," she teased.

Jess' eyes were dancing with humor and Cam suddenly felt very left out of the joke.

"Who's Aunt Maggie?" Cam asked trying to inject himself into the friendly banter.

"My new favorite person," Daniel answered, quickly snatching the coffee bag from Jess and deeply breathing in the aroma. "I think I might love her."

"Yeah, she clued in on how much you liked it after about your fifth cup," Jess explained the gift. "She wasn't sure when you'd get a chance for another visit, so she sent some along with me to tide you over."

"Visit?" Cam was shocked at what he was hearing. Daniel had visited Aunt Maggie? Daniel knew there was an Aunt Maggie to visit?!

Jess looked at Cam, wondering why he seemed so irritated. If she didn't know better, she'd swear he was jealous.

"How long are you here for?" Daniel asked, completely ignoring Cam.

"Not long, Prometheus is due to pick us up with in the hour," Jess diverted her attention back to Daniel.

"So no time for breakfast then?" Daniel asked.

"Nope, sorry. I just stopped by to drop off the beans. I've got to catch up with General Landry and then I'm off," Jess was disappointed that she couldn't stay longer. Since they'd cleared the air about what would or wouldn't be between them, their friendship felt much more comfortable.

"I'll catch up with you soon though," she added.

"Sounds good," Daniel said still clutching the coffee.

"Lt. Colonel," Jess saluted Cam again.

"Major," he dismissed her.

Cam watched Jess disappear out the door, waiting until he was sure she was out of ear shot before pouncing on Daniel with his question, "So?"

"So, what?" Daniel asked. He'd returned his attention to the artifact and was busy trying to decipher the markings.

"Oh come on, Aunt Maggie's sending you coffee and you're going to play innocent?" Cam was overcome with curiosity.

"We're just friends," Daniel said defensively.

"Friends?" Cam prodded.

"Why do you care anyway?" Daniel tried to reverse the questioning.

"I don't," it was Cam's turn to be defensive.

"Right," Daniel turned his attention back to the artifact.

"Well, I don't," Cam added for good measure.

* * *

Prometheus' missions had been limited to routine tests of the ship's upgrades, and general surveillance of Prior activities on outlining planets. In other words, things were fairly mundane, especially for the 302 pilots.

With only meetings and drills to occupy her time, Jess had taken to working out twice a day to expend her pent up energy. Butch knew it and headed straight to the fitness center to look for his pilot. He had news, big news.

"So have you heard?" Butch leaned against the front of the treadmill Jess was running on.

"Heard what?" Jess asked, but didn't stop running.

"Mitchell's gone missing," Butch shared the juicy bit of gossip.

"What are you talking about?" Jess hit the emergency stop button.

"Seriously," Butch relished having the scoop for a change. Usually he was the last to know about things like this. "SG1 was on a mission to find some Sodan tribe of Jaffa that they were hoping might be allies for us. I guess they got jumped. Teal'c, Carter and Jackson got away, but Mitchell fell behind. When the others went back for him, he'd vanished."

Jess felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach.

"Do they have any ideas?" She was genuinely concerned.

Butch shook his head no, "We're being re-routed to the planet. They want us to use Prometheus' scanners to search for him."

Jess just stood there dumb-founded. She was honestly worried about Cam. She knew full well the consequences of falling behind. The last thing she wanted was for someone she cared about to find out just how horrible it could be.

'Cared about?' Jess was caught off-guard by her own inner admission.

"Hey," Butch was surprised by the obvious distress on Jess' face. "We'll find him."

Jess pushed her personal thoughts aside, "Wouldn't be the first time we came to SG1's rescue right?"

"Right," Butch concurred.

* * *

Two weeks later, Prometheus' extensive searching had come up empty. So had efforts back at the SGC with an injured Sodan warrior who had been found where Cam should have been.

Jess and Matt where on the bridge giving a report to Col. Pendergast on the latest 302 sweep of a nearby inhabitable moon.

"Lt. Col. Lynch, be sure to thank your team for me. They've done everything they could," Col. Pendergast said when they'd finished their briefing.

"Sir, I beg your pardon, but that makes it sound like we've concluded the search," Jess spoke out of turn.

"Major I appreciate your dedication, but the international committee feels there's nothing more to be done," Col. Pendergast explained. "They don't see any point to expending further resources on this search."

"There's a soldier MIA Sir, that should be reason enough," Jess' temper was flaring just beneath the surface. Her enormous respect for Col. Pendergast was the only thing keeping her the least bit in check.

"All reasonable options have been explored and exhausted," Col. Pendergast was careful to conceal his own frustration over the situation from his subordinates. "If Lt. Col. Mitchell were here, we would have found him. The devise that SG1 found on the planet could have transported him anywhere. The committee has decided that at this point, there are more pressing matters."

"Yes Sir," Jess knew better than to push the argument any further. Pendergast had no choice; orders were orders.

Dismissed from the bridge, Jess and Matt walked down the corridor toward the elevator. Once alone, he addressed his pilot.

"O'Connor, what's really going on in that head of yours?" he tried to understand why she was so over-committed to the search for Cam.

Matt had noticed that Jess had barely slept since the search began and she'd insisted on taking part in every flight. Now she'd overstepped her bounds with the colonel. Matt was as dedicated as anyone to finding Cam, but Jess seemed emotionally invested on an entirely different level.

"Sir, I'm just not one to give up so easily," Jess answered with conviction.

"None of us are, but there comes a point where you have to admit there's nothing more you can do," Matt tried to reason with her.

The elevator stopped at the crew deck and Matt indicated that Jess should follow him to the office space he shared with another officer.

"Two weeks isn't enough time," Jess countered as she followed him into the room. "There are other planets and moons nearby that we could search."

"It's a needle in a whole field of haystacks," Matt interrupted her, and shut the door behind them. "Assuming that whoever has him used that transportation devise, they could be anywhere. Hell we don't even know if he's alive. That Sodan warrior they captured claims he wounded Mitchell pretty badly during their fight."

Jess stiffened, "He's alive. Until there's a body to prove otherwise, he's alive."

"O'Connor, what is this?" Matt tried to drill down to the bottom of whatever was going on with her. "Is there something else going on that I need to know about?"

Technically the status of her relationship with Cam was none of his business, but the situation was clearly having a profound affect on her and he had to know why.

"No!" Jess immediately clarified, not missing the underlying meaning of Matt's question. "No, Sir."

"Then why the obsession? I've never seen you like this," Matt pressed her.

"Because it took them three weeks to find me," Jess gave her commanding officer a straight forward and honest answer.

"You were MIA?" Matt questioned. Her personnel file said nothing about it, though he remembered a portion of her service record had been labeled classified.

"Yes Sir," Jess sighed. "During my tour in Iraq I was captured. If the search for me had ended after two weeks, I'd probably be dead."

"I'm sorry O'Connor," Matt finally understood where she was coming from. "Look, I wish we could do more for him, I really do, but it's not my call."

"I know Sir, I just," Jess struggled to find the right words. "As long as we're searching, there's hope. I hate to take away his best chance of survival so soon."

Matt tried to offer some encouragement, "I've never known a more resourceful soldier than Cameron Mitchell. If there's anyway for him to make it home, he will."

Jess nodded, more out of exhaustion than agreement.

"Sir if it's alright with you, I'd like to go sack out for a few hours," Jess asked to be dismissed.

"I think that's a good idea," Matt agreed. He hoped with a little rest she'd see the situation more clearly.

Dismissed, Jess found her way back to her quarters and kicked off her boots. She flopped down on her bed and covered her eyes with her arm. Even when she'd tried to sleep over the past two weeks she'd rarely gotten more than a few hours at a stretch. Searching for Cam had brought on the most vivid nightmares she'd had in a long while.

Jess had been honest with Matt. Cam's disappearance resonated strongly with her because of her own experience. It just wasn't the whole truth. Jess rolled on her side mentally wrestling with the other reason for her behavior.

She refused to admit it out loud, but in some strange dysfunctional way she'd actually developed feelings for Cam. She realized now that their combative relationship was just the adult equivalent of grade school children pulling pigtails and crying boy germs. From the ease with which he riled her to the way he whispered her name that night in O'Malley's parking lot, Cam Mitchell had an effect on her like no other.

Jess rolled on to her back again. She tried to clear her mind of all thoughts of him. The stress of the situation was getting to her and the lack of sleep wasn't making it any better. She needed rest, real rest, even if it was for just a few hours. Finally, mentally and physically spent, Jess faded off to sleep.

* * *

It was a knock at her door rather than another nightmare that eventually woke her. She looked at her watch and saw it had been almost five hours. That was the most sleep she'd gotten in weeks. The knock came again, this time more persistent.

"Yeah, come in," she called sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

Matt walked in smiling. "I won't say I told you so, but we just got word. Mitchell's okay. He came through the gate at the SGC about an hour ago."

Cam sat down at the computer in his office. He'd been back for three days and finally felt like things were returning to normal. After several debriefings, far too many medical exams and a ridiculous amount of paperwork, he was glad to get back into the regular swing of things.

He clicked open his e-mail, and was immediately drawn to a particular message. He opened and read the four word note.

"Are you okay? – Jess"

Cam sat back and rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb. He re-read the message, and smiled. The signature alone said everything he needed to know.

He carefully contemplated his reply, finally typing, "Never been better. – Cam"

Cam read it over twice before hitting send. The e-mail would go with the next data burst sent to Prometheus. He didn't expect any further exchange beyond that, but it was a start. At the very least, it was a start.


	7. Chapter 7

The SGC had been reduced to a skeleton crew and the Prometheus grounded until after the Christmas and New Year's holidays were over. It was General Landry's and Col. Pendergast's gift to those under their command.

Jess hadn't been on leave since the two weeks in October, and was immensely grateful for the break. As much as she enjoyed her time on Prometheus, she hadn't been looking forward to spending Christmas on the ship in some distant solar system. Some traditions were just best experienced on Earth.

Of course everyone was put on short leashes in case of an emergency, but for the meantime, it looked like it was going to be a quiet holiday.

It was about 1730 and Jess and Joe were in the living room. Jess was stretched out on the loveseat reading a book, and Joe was in the recliner reading the paper.

"I have an idea," Maggie called from the kitchen. She'd been puttering with one thing or another all day, humming Christmas tunes as she went, and it was starting to make Jess and Joe wonder. "Why don't you both go put something nice on while I finish getting dinner ready."

Jess and Joe exchanged a knowing look.

"Maggie my dear, what are you up to?" Joe asked. He'd been married to this woman long enough to know when an innocent suggestion really equaled scheming.

"Nothing, I just thought it would be fun to have a nice family dinner since Jess is home," Maggie responded. She'd stepped into the living room and was drying her hands with a dish towel, trying her best to appear innocent.

"So why do we have to get dressed up?" Jess countered.

"It's just a suggestion," Maggie half snapped, and then smiled apologetically.

Jess and Joe exchanged another look, but relented, both heading to their respective rooms to put on "something nice." Whatever Maggie had up her sleeve, her plan was clearly already in motion. Joe and Jess both knew it was best to just go along with it.

Jess walked into her room and found two presents neatly wrapped and waiting on her bed along with a note. Maggie certainly had things well organized. Jess ran her hand across the paper and picked up the note.

"Merry Christmas Jessie. Your favorite aunt," she read. Jess tapped the note on the gifts, wondering what Maggie was really up to and how she'd managed to plan it all with out Jess or Joe finding out.

She opened the packages and found a deep burgundy cashmere sweater inside the first box wrapped in tissue paper. Along with the v-neck sweater was a flattering knee length chocolate brown wool skirt. The second box contained a pair of fashionable leather boots in the same rich hue as the skirt. Maggie had excellent taste. The outfit was sophisticated and classy, and way to nice for a family dinner.

Jess got dressed, and ran a brush through her hair, leaving it down. She also put on a little make up. Then she opened the small jewelry box on her dresser and pulled out a cherished necklace. It was a silver Celtic triangle on a coordinating chain that had belonged to her mother. Jess rarely had occasion to wear jewelry, but thought tonight it might be appropriate. She slipped off her dog tags, replacing them with the necklace. Jess had a feeling company was coming.

Joe made it back to the living room first. He'd changed into clean jeans and a button down western shirt. It was as nice as he knew how to go. Maggie had set out two bottles of wine and was placing plates of appetizers out around the living room.

"Maggie?" He questioned. She ignored him. The door bell rang.

"Maggie?" He said again a little more sternly.

"Oh just go get the door will you," Maggie shooed him out of her way.

Joe opened the front door mumbling to him self.

"Merry Christmas," Hank said handing Joe the bottle of Jameson he'd brought with.

"You knew about this and didn't tell me?" Joe greeted his old friend.

Hank paused, "Why do you think I brought the whisky?"

Joe grunted and took the bottle, letting Hank in. He wondered just how many people were going to be showing up on his doorstep for Maggie's nice family dinner.

Jess heard the doorbell and came down to see who was there. She welcomed Hank and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Surprise family Christmas parties were no place for military formality.

"Is Caroline coming?" Jess asked.

"I don't know," Hank answered. He smiled at Jess, "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," Jess blushed at his compliment.

The doorbell rang again, and Joe went to answer it, again. This time he found Sam and Caroline who had arrived at the same time. They were followed shortly by Daniel and Teal'c. Carrie and Allie came next. Butch wasn't far behind.

People were mingling, drinking wine and munching on the appetizers. Maggie explained to Jess that she'd wanted to throw Jess a small party as a Christmas present, and that Daniel had helped with the guest list for people from work.

Jess was sipping a glass of Shiraz while she listened to Maggie's explanation. She wondered how the combination of her family, girlfriends and military personnel was going to go over. The thought of how some of the conversations might play out put a grin on her face.

The door bell rang again and since she was the closest Jess answered the door this time.

"Merry Christmas," Cam smiled at Jess as she opened the door.

Jess' lips twitched into a sideways grin, "Merry Christmas."

Cam had been the only one missing from SG1, but Jess knew he'd be along eventually. The team seemed to travel as a pack even off base. And now there he was, standing on the porch, looking a little unsure of if he'd be welcome.

Jess stood aside to let him in. She took his coat and introduced him to the few people he didn't know. He was especially excited to meet Aunt Maggie, commenting on how he'd heard so much about her. Jess left him with her aunt while she got him something to drink.

The party was well underway. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Jess had been making the rounds playing hostess and enjoying the atmosphere. She took a brief moment to stand back and watch the guests intermingle. Sam and Caroline were picking out a CD to play. Butch was hitting on Allie, which Jess thought might actually make a good match. Joe and Hank were trying, unsuccessfully, to convince Teal'c to try some whiskey, and Maggie and Carrie had Daniel cornered by the fire place.

Jess went to take another sip of wine and realized her glass was empty. Between the wine, fire in the fireplace and full room she was feeling a little warm. She decided she wasn't ready for another drink, but she was interested in some fresh air. So she set her glass down on an end table and snuck out onto the front porch.

Jess looked out over the snow covered ranch. It was chilly enough that she regretted not grabbing her coat, but she wasn't planning on staying out long enough to warrant going back for it. Instead she just tugged the sleeves of the sweater over her hands and crossed her arms.

She took a deep breath of the cool night air and let out a satisfied sigh. The party was a good surprise. If Maggie had said anything ahead of time, Joe would have tried to put a stop to it, and Jess would have spent the day worrying about it. Her aunt was a very smart woman, who knew exactly the right way to handle both Jess and Joe.

Cam cleared his throat announcing his presence. He had been standing in a back corner of the porch. Carrie had held him hostage for the better part of the evening and he had escaped to the relative safety of the front porch for a breather.

Jess jumped, startled to find she wasn't alone. She turned toward the noise, finding Cam in the corner.

"It's a beautiful night," he offered.

"Yes it is," Jess replied, self-consciously tucking her hair behind her ears. Normally she was much too aware of her surroundings for someone to sneak up on her.

Cam took a couple of steps closer, coming into the light that spilled out from the living room picture window. They were partially blocked from view by the Christmas tree centered in the window, but anyone who looked out could have seen them.

"Your aunt really knows how to throw a party," Cam commented, looking in at the festivities.

"Yeah, she thinks of everything," Jess smiled to herself thinking of the outfit and note.

"Even mistletoe," Cam turned back to Jess pointing above her head. She looked up and saw the little bundle of green leaves and white berries dangling on a red ribbon from the over hang.

'Sneaky Maggie, very sneaky,' she silently admired her aunt's trickery.

Jess studied Cam to determine what he was thinking. Was he just pointing it out, or did he have something else in mind? His eyes provided the answer she was looking for. Jess' stomach flipped and she started to nervously fidget with her necklace. She tried to think of a quick excuse to leave, but short of just walking away was coming up empty.

"Wouldn't want to break tradition," Cam said sensing Jess' uneasiness.

Jess just shook her head; the part of her that wanted this overruling the part that wanted to run.

Cam slowly moved in and used just his index finger to tilt Jess' chin up. Jess kept looking from Cam's eyes to his lips and back again. She licked her own lips in anxious anticipation of what was coming. Cam paused just before their mouths met, giving her one last chance to back out. Satisfied that she wasn't going anywhere, he shut his eyes and closed the remaining distance between them.

Had anyone looked out the window, it would have come across as an innocent holiday gesture between two friends. Jess would have passed it off as nothing more than just that if it wasn't for the way her whole body suddenly felt warm. She thought the only sensible thing to do next was say Merry Christmas and rejoin the party. It was a plan Jess fully intended to implement, but instead she found herself initiating another kiss.

When they parted the second time, a little moan escaped from her throat signaling the last of Jess' self control. Cam took it for encouragement. He wasn't sure where this was going, but he knew it was nobody's business but their own.

Aware of the window behind him, Cam took Jess' hands and coaxed her off the rail. She willingly followed his lead. Cam maneuvered them into the shadowy corner he'd been hiding in earlier, stopping when his back was against the house.

He drew Jess close, sliding one hand around to the nape of her neck, his fingers lacing through her hair. His other hand trailed along her waist to the small of her back. Giving into want verses reason, Jess ran one hand up to Cam's shoulder and rested the other on his chest.

With the next kiss Jess' mind went blank. The only thing she could comprehend was Cam; the rhythm of his breathing, the sent of his after shave, the warmth of his body, and the softness of his embrace. For a moment nothing else existed in her world.

Cam wasn't fairing much better. As aloof as Jess had been with him he never expected this kind of a reaction from her. He'd hoped something might eventually develop between them, but certainly hadn't anticipated this when he'd accepted the party invitation. His heart was pounding its way out his chest as his lips left hers to linger along her jaw line, slowly working his way down to her neck.

Cam's mouth wasn't the only thing he was using to explore Jess' figure. His lower hand slipped under the soft fabric of her sweater. Using just the tips of his fingers, Cam swept up her spine, unaware that he was grazing her scars as he went.

With each scar he crossed, the memories of how they were made came crashing into Jess' consciousness. Panic replaced passion and Jess pushed Cam away, retreating back until she stumbled into the porch rail. She stood there trying to distinguish memory from reality, not sure which to trust.

Cam was confused by her sudden rejection. He took a step toward her, but stopped almost instantly. Jess' face was flush, and she was trembling terribly. Her eyes were distant, and she was obviously lost in thought. Cam wasn't sure where her mind was, but he knew for sure it was no longer in the moment.

"Jess?" he questioned.

The sound of her name snapped Jess out of her trance. She looked at Cam realizing what had happened, but not knowing how to explain. The distant look in her eyes was quickly replaced with embarrassment and shame. She hugged her arms around her tightly, and blinked back tears that had unwillingly worked their way into her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She truly was sorry. She knew that she never should have let this happen. What she wanted was irrelevant. The past couldn't be undone.

Jess turned and crossed the porch to the front door as quickly as she could, not giving Cam a chance to do or say anything else.

"Jess wait," Cam tried to stop her, but she opened the door and disappeared inside. He fought the urge to chase after her. Something had clearly upset her, and whether he understood it or not, making a scene could only make things worse.

Maggie saw Jess hurry into the house and beeline it for the bath room. She looked out the picture window and saw Cam kick the porch railing. Maggie had a pretty good idea about what might have happened. She immediately regretted her decision to put the mistletoe on the front porch. She was hoping to get Jess and Daniel out there alone at some point during the evening, but her plan had obviously backfired.

Maggie knocked on the bathroom door, "Jess, honey? Are you alright?"

Jess was staring at her reflection in the mirror, trying to collect her composure. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Her voice sounded more solid then she felt.

Maggie lingered by the door wanting to help but not knowing what her niece needed. Finally, she relented and returned to the guests in her living room. Cam had come back in the house and had joined Teal'c and Daniel. Maggie eyed him warily.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Jess reprimanded herself. She took a tissue and wiped the tears from her eyes. Then she ran her fingers through her hair to straighten it back out from where Cam had ruffled it. She could still smell him on her clothing and her stomach flipped at the thought of what she'd been encouraging on the porch.

"Stupid, Jessica, really stupid," she scolded herself one last time before exiting the bathroom.

For the rest of the party, Jess and Cam did an excellent job of avoiding each other with out making it obvious. Maggie was the only one who noticed anything was wrong.

Cam was one of the first guests to leave, and by midnight everyone had headed home.

Feeling a bit like Cinderella minus a pair of glass slippers, Jess helped clean up the living room before retreating to her room for the night. Maggie had the good sense not to ask any questions, feeling guilty enough for her part in whatever had Jess so upset. But she worried all the same.


	8. Chapter 8

Jess woke up with a start. She buried her head in her pillow and screamed in frustration over having had the nightmare again. Not feeling any better she whipped the pillow across the room, hitting her closet door with a bang. After what had happened on the porch she knew the dream was inevitable, but it didn't make it any easier.

Jess turned over flat on her back, but didn't even bother looking at the clock. The exact time didn't matter, it was O dark thirty and once again the nightmare was robbing her of a full night's sleep.

"Damn it," she swore to herself. This couldn't keep happening. She had to make it stop. No matter what it took, she wasn't going to let this go on any longer.

Jess got out of bed and took a shower. She remembered how the water had calmed her nerves that night at the SGC. It didn't work this time. Then again, she hadn't really expected it to. She knew exactly what it was going to take to end the nightmare. The question was could she do it?

Jess went back to her room and got dressed. Then she went in the kitchen and washed the dishes Maggie had insisted on leaving until morning. She wanted to keep busy. It kept her mind occupied and off her inner thoughts. The dishes didn't take as long as she hoped they would and soon enough she was stuck with idle hands.

She tried reading, watching TV, and even wrapped a few last minute Christmas presents. Nothing seemed adequate. The wall clock remained stuck in neutral.

It wasn't quiet 0700, but she wasn't willing to wait any longer. She had to try. Exhausted, she grabbed her car keys and headed out the door.

* * *

Cam woke up a little before 0700. He had tossed and turned all night, conflicted over what had happened at the party. Why was it that everything with Jess seemed to get screwed up? Things were going just fine and dandy on the porch. Better then if he'd planned it. Then wham, something snapped and she was running away from him again.

It wasn't just him either. Anytime someone tried to do more than scratch the surface with Jess, she shut down.

He'd seen little glimpses of who she really was. Like the way she flew, her teammates' obvious trust in and respect for her, the night playing pool at O'Malley's, and that conversation in Daniel's office. Even the way she stood up to him after the rescue mission on PX3-875 said a lot about her. All of it pointed to a woman who was talented, confident, and full of life. So why didn't she let it out more often? Or let anyone else in?

Cam padded barefoot into the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal and the last of the orange juice. He went in his living room and clicked the TV on, flopping down on the couch and flipping through channels. There was nothing on, but then again, he wasn't really paying that much attention.

A half hour later, Cam was putting the dishes from his breakfast in the sink when he heard a knock on his apartment door. 'Who the hell?' he thought.

As sure as Jess was that this is what she needed, she'd lost the courage to see it through pretty much the instant her knuckles met wood. What in the world had she been thinking coming here? She had to be out of her mind. She gave a nervous little laugh and started to leave.

Before she could retreat, Cam's door opened. She stopped where she was and turned to face him knowing there was no point in running now. There, standing barefoot in sweatpants and a t-shirt was the one person who she wanted to talk to the least, but needed to the most.

"Jess?" Cam was shocked to see her standing in his apartment hallway.

She looked like hell. Her hair was in a messy bun, thrown up more out of habit than with its usual care. Her jeans had seen better days and her oversized gray Air Force sweatshirt had swallowed her whole. Even as cold as it was, she'd forgotten a coat, and there were bags under her eyes that indicated he wasn't the only one that hadn't slept well.

This wasn't the polished officer he was used to seeing, or even the stunning beauty he'd kissed last night. This was just Jess, with no fronts left to hide behind. She'd never looked better to him.

Cam wondered how she knew were he lived, but then remembered the party invitation Maggie had sent. If Maggie had his address, he figured it wasn't hard for Jess to find it.

"Can I come in Sir?" Jess asked and mentally kicked herself for the military slip as she walked back up to the door.

Cam sighed at her use of sir. 'So we're back to that,' he thought to himself. Still he stepped aside letting her in.

"Have a seat," he said while clicking the TV off.

Jess put her keys and cell phone on the coffee table. She sat on the couch as instructed, but immediately jumped right back up as though the furniture bit her.

"I think I'd rather stand," she smiled feebly.

"Do you want something to drink?" Cam offered.

"No, yes. Coffee. If you've got it," Jess changed her mind about the drink as quickly as she had about the seat.

Cam went in the kitchen and put a pot on. He figured they were both going to need it.

"I, I owe you an apology," Jess started while Cam was finishing in the kitchen.

"No you don't," he assured her.

"Ok, then at least let me try to explain," Jess contended. Why did he have to be so argumentative? This was hard enough for her.

Finished with the coffee pot, Cam came back into the living room and stood with his arms crossed. He nodded to indicate that he would listen to what ever she had to say.

"Ok," Jess said under her breath. She started pacing, trying to figure out how to even start. She still hadn't decided exactly how much she was willing to share.

"I shouldn't have let things get that far last night," Jess tested the waters.

"Why?" Cam wanted more of an explanation.

"Because I don't want to lead you on," Jess really meant it. Regardless of how he made her feel there were obstacles.

"I see," Cam didn't think Jess was being honest with herself or him. When it came to personal relationships, Jess was always evading, never leading.

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened, I just don't think it's a good idea," Jess tried to soften things a little. "Different commands or not, we still work together."

"But that's not the problem is it?" Cam questioned her.

"No, not the only one," Jess didn't want to lie.

Cam watched her carefully but didn't say anything else. The silence was excruciating for Jess. She was waging a private war inside her mind. She wanted to tell him the truth, but was finding it hard to let go of the secret she'd held so tightly.

"The scars on my back," Jess tried again. "When you touched them, it's just, it's personal."

"Are those the scars Sam mentioned?" Cam decided to take the direct approach rather than give her another chance to gloss over things. She couldn't keep hiding the truth from him and everybody else. Even he could see it was suffocating her.

Jess nodded, but offered no further clarification. The war waged on.

"How'd you get them?" Cam's question was point blank and he was using his commanding officer voice.

"It doesn't matter," she retorted. She hadn't missed his change in tone and didn't like that he was trying to pull rank in a personal conversation.

"Apparently it does," Cam wasn't going to back down.

"Why do you care any way?" Jess huffed.

"That's the point. I do care," Cam checked him self realizing what he'd said. "And Daniel cares, and Sam cares, and your family cares."

Jess snorted and spun around so she was facing away from him. She knew they cared, but could they forgive her? She needed to say it. She knew telling someone what she'd been through, what she'd done, was the only way to stop the nightmare. It was just so hard to risk loosing them.

"I don't know how to start," she whispered with her back still to him.

"Just tell me what happened," Cam encouraged.

Jess took a deep breath. She was so worn-out. Jess was tired of the nightmare, tired of hiding the truth, and tired of running from her insecurity instead of confronting it head on. She'd never run from anything in her life other than this, and it was killing her.

Finally the internal battle she'd been struggling with was decided. She'd tell him all of it. It's why she'd come here. Jess had wondered since that night at the bar if Cam would eventually fight it out of her. As a fellow soldier, pilot and respected senior officer his opinion mattered the most to her. Of course there was more to it than that, but at the moment those where the things she focused on.

"When I was there time didn't mean anything," she started her confession.

"Iraq?" Cam asked for clarification. Jess nodded.

There was a long pause while she wrestled with how to explain it all. She suddenly had a splitting headache and rubbed her temples trying to find some relief.

"I had no sense of day or night. I marked time as either in my cell or being tortured. I found out later, in the hospital, that it had been three weeks," she continued. "Just three weeks."

Jess turned to Cam, feeling unsteady and needing reassurance if she was going to say what no one had heard yet. He willingly gave it to her with just a look.

Jess started pacing the length of the living room. The movement acted as a form of meditation that seemed to help her gather her thoughts and put words to those terrifying days.

"Most of it really wasn't that bad. Beatings, broken bones, electric shock," Jess listed off the things her tormentors put her through, counting them off on her fingers.

Seeing Cam's disgust she added, "There are worse things that they can do to a person."

Cam's stomach churned at Jess' words. Worse things? He reclaimed his seat on the couch waiting patiently for her to go on. He had a feeling he was the first one to hear all of this and wanted to give her as much time as she needed to get through it.

"Mostly it was sleep deprivation and starvation that got to you," Jess tried sitting down again. "That and the solitude."

She was wringing her hands so hard that her knuckles cracked. "After a while they decided they weren't getting anything useful out of me. So they brought him in."

Jess shuddered at the thought of the man whose face still plagued her dreams. She never did learn his name, just his cruelty.

"I didn't know the information he wanted. I was on a specific mission, everything was on a need to know basis. I swear to God Cam, I didn't have the answers," she needed him to believe that much. It was the only thing that helped her hold on to her sanity while it was happening.

"I believe you," Cam offered. He scooted over reaching out to take her hand, but Jess just sprang up and started pacing again. She wasn't ready to be touched, not yet. He had to know the truth first. Then if he still wanted to touch her she'd let him.

"It was the same every time. He took me to the same room, handcuffed me to the same chair, loaded the same gun and asked me his questions. He knew I didn't have any answers, but he didn't stop," Jess wiped a rouge tear off her cheek with the sleeve of her shirt.

Cam silently listened, not sure where this was going. He'd always assumed that she'd been raped while at the prison camp. It seemed logical, and certainly explained her behavior, but this story seemed to be going in another direction.

"The first one he brought in was a man, probably in his late 50s" Jess wasn't pacing anymore. She was standing at attention, staring stiffly at the wall. With each word, she relived the details of how she got her scars.

"He made the man stand with his back against the wall across from me. He was standing behind me and asked his question. When I told him I didn't know, he shot the man in the head," Jess paused again. "Then he took out a knife and cut my back. He said if these people were going to die because of me, the least I could do was bleed for them."

Cam's blood ran cold in his veins. He hardly believed what he was hearing. Her torturer killed innocent people because she didn't have the answers? Jess had one scar for each person who had been executed? It was beyond anything he could have imagined.

Jess' left hand reached back and rubbed at her scars through the sweatshirt. It was the first time she had admitted their cause. She was so ashamed of how she failed those people. How she'd been unable to do anything for them.

With all of the other injuries she'd incurred, the doctors hadn't questioned the cuts. Given her physical condition when they found her, a few cuts just weren't a priority.

The psychologists missed the significance as well. They focused on the beatings and wanted to know how she was coping with being back in the real world.

"I lied once, early on, made up an answer," Jess kept going. Now that she started, she couldn't stop. "He let the woman go."

"But he must have had some way to confirm the information I gave him," she furrowed her brow wondering how he'd known.

"The next time he brought in two kids. I think the oldest was probably 8 or 9. He…" Jess couldn't say it. The memory was still too raw. She blinked back the vision of the terrified little girls. She tried not to hear their screams in her mind. "I never lied to him again."

Cam twitched with anger. Things like this just didn't happen. Monsters like this didn't really exist.

Exhausted from the effort of confessing, Jess collapsed on the couch, tucked in at the opposite end as Cam. "There was nothing I could do, I tried, but I didn't have the strength left. I only managed to knock myself and the chair over. When he took me back to my cell I promised him that I'd kill him for what he'd done."

"That's the nightmare that I can't shake," Jess' voice was quivering. "Every time I dream, I see those two little girls, and I'm never able to stop him."

After that incident, Jess had become numb to it all. She stopped seeing their faces, stopped being able to discern man from woman, or young from old. After watching him brutally murder those two little girls she stopped feeling anything at all. Shutting off had been the only way to survive.

Cam's jaw and fists were clenched and he wasn't looking at Jess. His demeanor confirmed her worst fear. He was as disgusted with her as she was, and he didn't even know the rest. How could she have expected him to react any other way? Still, she had to finish. There was no turning back. She needed to say it all for herself.

"By the time I was rescued, 17 people had been murdered because of me," Jess hugged her knees into her chest. Tears ran freely down her cheeks, there was no holding them back, but she didn't sob. Jess was remorseful, not hysterical.

Cam still wouldn't look at her.

"The only comfort I've found in any of this is that the rest of my team made it out," the words tasted metallic in Jess' mouth.

She'd used the justification so many times it felt rehearsed. How could any good come from all those people dying? And yet she was tremendously grateful that her teammates had lived, and that they hadn't experienced any of the horrors she had.

"What happened to him?" Cam asked, finally looking at Jess.

"I kept my word," Jess answered with icy conviction that left no doubt as to what she meant.

"When I was finally rescued, I refused to be taken out on a stretcher. I was going to walk out of that place on my own if it was the last thing I did," Jess related the last part of her ordeal. "A Marine was helping me when I saw him kneeling, hands tied behind his back, lined up with the other scum they'd taken prisoner. I grabbed the Marine's side arm and shot the bastard right between the eyes."

"The team that rescued me covered it up. They saw the condition I was in and had found the mass grave. They figured it was justified even though they didn't know the details," Jess shrugged. She wouldn't have cared if they convicted her for what she'd done.

What had eaten away at her the most all this while was that she'd let her torturer turn her into a cold-blooded murder. As a soldier she had killed when her life and the lives of her teammates depended on it. Not at point blank range out of revenge. It was a fine line, but an important one for her. Even in war there are ethics, and Jess had abandoned them.

Cam really looked at the woman sitting balled up on his couch. He was trying to get his mind around what she had just told him. She'd done what needed to be done to save her men, and paid a heavy price. She'd been battered and tortured, both physically and mentally. Cam doubted most people would have had the strength to survive, but she had.

Jess' eyes spoke honestly of the shame and disappointment she grappled with for not being able to save those people and for avenging their deaths. Cam wondered how she could blame herself? How could she think any of it had been her fault?

Time seemed to lag in Cam's silence, and Jess couldn't bare his scrutiny. She'd judged herself severely over what had happened. The jury of me, myself and I had come back with the unanimous verdict that she had done all she could have, even if it wasn't enough.

Her punishment was living out the rest of her life with the scars as a daily reminder of her failure. To Jess, the scars did far more than just mar her body. They marked her as someone unworthy of being loved. After all, who could care about her when she had let so many people needlessly be killed, and betrayed the very morals that are suppose to separate the good guys from the bad guys?

Apparently that self imposed punishment hadn't been harsh enough. For her, Cam's silence was far more condemning and only confirmed her worst fears.

Jess got up and rushed toward the door frantic to leave. "I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have told you any of this."

Cam stood up; she wasn't going to run away from him again.

"Jess wait," he grabbed her by the shoulders, spinning her around to face him. Jess shook him off. She stood in front of him at attention, looking him dead in the eyes.

This is what she'd come here for wasn't it? What he said next would tell her what she needed to know the most. Now that he knew the truth, was she still someone worth caring about?

"What happened wasn't your fault," he tried to convince her. "It wasn't your fault."

Cam could see the last of Jess' defenses finally come crashing down. She knew he was telling the truth. She'd told herself the same truth time and again. But knowing something to be true and believing that it actually is can be miles apart.

Desperate for human contact, Jess slipped her arms around his waist. Cam pulled her to his chest, and gently pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Finally Jess' bottled up emotions found their way to the surface. For the first time she allowed herself to release the grief, guilt and regret that she had clung to for so long. Cam simply stroked her hair and held her close. It wasn't much, but it was all he could do.

When she'd finally let it all out, Jess pulled back from Cam, "I, ah, I should go."

She'd rarely shown so much vulnerability and suddenly felt foolish for crying in his arms.

"Stay," Cam said.

"Why?" Jess shook her head no.

"You're in no shape to drive, just stay for a few hours. Get some sleep first, then you can go if you want," Cam offered.

Jess knew he was right. She was bone tired and barely remembered the drive over. The idea of making another long ride home seemed daunting. She relented to his request.

Cam led her down the hall to the apartment's only bedroom. She kicked off her shoes while he pulled back the covers. Then he had her slide in, gently tucking the comforter around her. When he turned to leave the room, Jess reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"Stay with me?" It was a question she wasn't sure she had the right to ask.

Cam hesitated. Jess was completely unguarded, and he didn't want to take advantage of the situation. He wanted to do the right thing. After all, Jess had chosen to confide in him. Not Daniel or Sam or her family; just him. He wanted her to know that she could trust him with this, that she'd made the right decision. Convinced that leaving would be far worse than staying, Cam motioned for her to scoot over. She did, and he spooned in behind her, holding her close.

Cam whispered in her ear, telling her to sleep, that everything was going to be ok. With a deep sigh, Jess relaxed into the comfort and safety of Cam's arms. He knew the truth, all of it, and he hadn't rejected her. For the first time since it all happened, Jess fell asleep knowing with certainty that the nightmare wouldn't wake her.


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Jess woke up, the afternoon sun was creeping through the blinds. Her eyes fluttered open to find Cam sitting on the edge of the bed. He'd changed into jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt. His back was to her and he was pulling socks on his feet, his hair still damp from showering.

"You showered," Jess stated.

"You're awake," he turned and smiled at her.

"You shaved too," she noted that the day old stubble was gone from his chin.

Cam reached out and brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face.

"Yeah, well we can't all waste the day away in bed," he lightly teased.

Jess felt her cheeks flush. Between their current circumstance and their earlier conversation she was feeling very exposed, even if she was fully clothed.

"You roll around a lot in your sleep," Cam observed.

"Sorry," Jess apologized, the red of her cheeks deepening.

"Don't be. Now if you snored, we might have a problem," he was trying to get her to smile. It worked.

Jess rolled onto her back. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. The whole day had been a bit of an emotional blur for her. Having the nightmare, the hours of wrestling with what she really needed, actually saying what she'd been through out loud, and now waking up in Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell's bed. She wasn't sure what it all added up to.

When Jess opened her eyes back up, she found Cam watching her.

"What?" she asked a little flustered.

Jess had slept like the dead, and it had given Cam time to carefully consider what she shared with him. There was just one thing about what she said that was nagging him.

"Can I ask you a question?" he frowned, picking at the comforter.

Jess sighed, but nodded. She sat up needing to be upright if the conversation was going to turn serious again.

"Why haven't you told anyone else about what happened?" The only thing Cam couldn't grasp was why she'd kept it all a secret.

Jess tried to articulate her feelings, "Regardless of circumstances, I'm not proud of what I did. I used to think I was a better person then that."

"Jess," Cam reached out and cradled her chin in his palm. "What happened to you out there doesn't define who you are. Give yourself some credit. There's more to you then those three weeks."

It was what she needed to hear, and coming from Cam gave it more weight. As a soldier he knew that deplorable things happened in war. In essence he was giving her permission to forgive herself. His understanding wasn't enough to heal the wound, but it was enough to let Jess know that in time, just maybe it could get better.

Cam saw the relief on Jess' face. He hoped it meant she'd finally stop flogging herself for the past and start concentrating on the future.

"Feel better?" he asked.

Jess breathed in deeply, debating his question in her mind.

"I'm starting to," she answered honestly. "Thank you."

"For what?" Cam didn't think he'd done all that much.

"For everything," Jess said sincerely.

"You're welcome," Cam was grinning at her.

Their moment was interrupted by a knock on Cam's door. Cam looked over his shoulder toward the hall. He hadn't been expecting anyone.

"Stay," he ordered. Then hopped off the bed, and walked out of the room.

Cam looked out the peak hole to see who it was.

"Jackson," he groaned. Cam opened the door but didn't invite the archeologist in.

"Hi," Daniel said as Cam stood waiting.

"What do you want?" Cam asked nervously looking over his shoulder. Given her earlier remark about them working together, he figured Jess wouldn't want to be found at his place by another member of SG1.

Daniel raised both his eyebrows. "Ok then. Have you seen Jess since last night?"

"O'Connor? Why?" Cam coughed.

"Because Maggie called me looking for her. She hasn't been home all day and isn't answering her cell phone. Maggie said..." Daniel stopped him self mid explanation, clueing into what was going on. "She's here isn't she?"

"Who?" Cam asked trying to look nonchalant.

"Jess," Daniel answered.

"Why would she be here?" Cam scratched the back of his head.

"You tell me," Daniel's head was starting to ache.

Before Cam could answer, Daniel caught a glimpse of Jess scrabbling into the living room. She grabbed her cell phone from the coffee table where she had left it earlier and disappeared back down the hall.

Jess had gotten out of bed looking for the bathroom, and had overheard Daniel say Maggie's name. She knew that her aunt must be having a fit. Maggie knew she'd been upset last night, and God only knew how long she'd been trying to reach Jess.

Both men watched her go. Daniel snapped back to Cam looking for an explanation.

"It's not what you're thinking," Cam got defensive.

"What am I thinking?" Daniel questioned.

"Coffee," Cam blurted out suddenly remembering the long forgotten pot he'd put on when Jess first arrived. "She stopped by for a cup of coffee."

Daniel wasn't buying it.

"You could have called first," Cam accused his accuser.

"I tried," Daniel shot back at Cam. "Your line was busy and you weren't answering your cell."

Cam mentally kicked himself. He'd taken his land line off the hook so it wouldn't wake Jess. His cell phone must have rung while he was in the shower.

"Well, why were you so sure I'd know where she was anyway?" Cam realized how dumb that must sound since she was there.

"I was right," Daniel retorted.

"Yeah, well," Cam struggled with something else to say.

Jess saved him the effort, "So, Sir, thanks for the cup of coffee, but I've got to go."

She'd come up from behind him and was carefully eyeing Daniel, trying to read his interpretation of finding her at Cam's place.

"See coffee," Cam gestured to add emphasis.

"Is everything ok?" Daniel asked. He'd never seen Jess so ruffled or Cam so flustered. If it was just coffee, why were they both so nervous?

"Yeah, fine," Jess asserted. "Maggie worries too much."

Jess could feel an awkward little grin creep uncomfortably across her face. What else could she say? She could only imagine what Daniel must be thinking. She counted her blessings for coming up with the same lame cup of coffee excuse Cam had apparently already given him. At least their story was consistent.

"I'm just going to go now," Jess bit her bottom lip and wormed her way past the two men into the hallway. She offered a little wave before making her less than graceful exit from the scene.

A dumbfounded Daniel looked at Cam. "So I thought there were rules against that?"

"Against what?" Cam was getting defensive again.

"For two military officers to have, coffee, together," Daniel's inflection emphasized what he wasn't saying.

"Jackson I swear it was just Folgers," Cam tried again.

* * *

The next day was Christmas. Jess spent it on the ranch with Maggie and Joe. They opened presents after the morning chores and Jess took a long horseback ride in the afternoon. All in all it was a peaceful, quiet, lazy kind of day.

On Monday she got up and saw to the usual chores. She even took time to wash all the tack and reorganize the equipment room. By noon she was back up at the house trying to decide what to do with her afternoon. After a quick bite to eat, she sat down at the kitchen table with a pencil and the morning paper. Absent mindedly she looked at the crossword puzzle, but didn't fill in any answers.

Jess was feeling agitated, almost over-caffeinated, making it impossible to concentrate on the puzzle. She couldn't sit still, and was tapping the pencil in time with her bouncing knee.

Maggie watched all of this. Her niece's behavior had been off since the night of the party. First she disappears for better than half a day, and then she sleeps soundly two full nights in a row. Now she was bouncing off the walls.

"Who put ants in your pants?" Maggie finally asked, snatching the pencil that Jess was tapping out of her niece's hand.

"What? Nobody, I'm just bored," Jess reached for the pencil, but Maggie wouldn't give it up. "Maybe I'll go into town."

"Maybe you should," Maggie wanted this ball of energy out of her kitchen before Jess drove her nuts.

"I don't know, maybe not," exasperated, Jess banged her head on the table. "Ugh! Maggie what's wrong with me?"

"I've been wondering that same thing myself," Maggie sat down, exhausted from watching Jess.

"Maybe I'm sick, do I feel like I have a fever," Jess took her aunt's hand and put it on her forehead.

Maggie had to laugh at Jess' antics. She hadn't seen Jess like this since she came home from school with her first crush. Maggie suddenly realized what was going on. "He kissed you didn't he?"

"What, who? What, when?" Jess jumped up from the table and went to the sink to get a glass of water.

"What do you mean who? Him! That Lt. Colonel the night of the party," Maggie was sure of it. She thought Jess had been upset that night because Cam had tried to kiss her and she didn't want him too, but maybe what had upset Jess was that he had kissed her and she liked it.

"It was nothing, just mistletoe, you know the whole Christmas tradition thing" Jess insisted. She took a long drink of water, watching her aunt over the rim of the glass to see if she fell for it. She didn't.

"Nothing? Nothing doesn't make a woman antsy while waiting for the phone to ring," Maggie crossed her arms.

"Humph! When have you ever known me to wait around for some guy to call?" Jess put her glass in the sink and crossed her arms.

"Never, that's why this is so interesting," Maggie was openly mocking her niece.

Their banter was interrupted when Jess' cell phone rang. She just stared at it. Two rings…

"Would you answer it!" Maggie hollered.

Jess lunged across the room to where she'd left the phone on the table, and picked it up on the forth ring.

"Major O'Connor," she answered. Maggie was biting her nails.

"Yes Sir, I understand Sir, I'll be there within the hour," Jess snapped the phone shut. "I've got to go."

"They're canceling your leave?" Maggie was disappointed for more than one reason.

Jess just shrugged.

"Need me to give you a lift?" Maggie asked.

"Thanks, but they already sent a jeep. It should be here shortly," Jess explained. It was a good sign that she wouldn't be home again anytime soon. The SGC didn't like having cars stacked up in its lot from Prometheus' personnel, and regularly found other ways of getting the crew on base when necessary.

Jess headed to her room to grab her things. Duty called.


	10. Chapter 10

Jess found Butch in the briefing room and took a seat next to him.

"Have a nice Christmas?" he asked.

Jess nodded, "You?"

She was distracted by the activity in the front of the room and didn't hear his answer. Cam and Daniel were standing with Col. Pendergast and Gen. Landry. There was a man with them that Jess didn't recognize, but based on his clothing she assumed he was an off-worlder. It seemed they were going over last minute details for the briefing and they looked worried.

"Any ideas?" Jess asked turning her full attention to her co-pilot.

"None. You?" Butch returned the question.

"Nope," Jess shook her head.

"Good morning everyone," Hank began the briefing. "Sorry to cut your leave short, but we have a situation that requires immediate attention. Dr. Jackson."

Hank stepped aside indicating that Daniel should take over.

"Right," Daniel looked up from his notes. "The Rand Protectorate and the Caledonian Federation of Tegalus have been locked in a state of cold war for decades. We've just received information that the Ori have altered the balance of power in this war by providing the Rand with a satellite weapon capable of mass destruction. The Rand have given the Caledonians an option to either convert to Origin under Rand rule, or they will use this weapon to wipe out all Caledonians."

Sam stood up from the table in the front of the room and switched on a large projector, which flashed an image of the weapon on a screen behind her.

"Jarrod Kane of the Rand was able to provide us with a particle schematic of the weapon," she took over the briefing. "Based on our analysis of these plans, we believe that the satellite has only offensive capabilities. We've also learned that it takes several minutes for the weapon to charge before it is able to fire. These two things have brought us to the conclusion that the weapon should be vulnerable to a direct attack."

Jess studied the picture on the front screen carefully while Daniel took back over.

"We're hoping that there is still time to find a peaceful solution," there was the usual optimism in Daniel's tone. "The Rand have agreed to speak with us. Jarrod and I will be returning to Tegalus to see if we can negotiate a truce between the two governments."

"In the event that Daniel and Jarrod are unable to barter a deal, Prometheus will take up position to destroy the Ori weapon," Col. Pendergast explained his team's roll in the situation.

"We need to nip this in the bud people," Gen. Landry concluded. "The Ori can not be allowed to arm their followers in this galaxy."

* * *

Jess sat in the commissary playing cribbage with another 302 pilot from her squadron. The likelihood of any 302s actually having an active part in this particular mission was slim, but it didn't make the hurry up and wait nature of traveling to Tegalus any more palatable. Cards were the temporary distraction of choice.

Butch came in and saw the pair. He walked over to their table playfully bumping Jess' chair as he sat down next to her.

"Are we there yet?" Butch whined, dramatically leaning against Jess' shoulder like a frustrated child.

Jess laughed at Butch's antics, and dismissively shrugged him off her shoulder. He looked at her cards, saw she had the crib, and survived the board.

"Johnson, unless you have the mother of all cribbage hands, she's got you," he smirked across the table.

"Butch shut-up and let us play," Major Kirk Johnson gave a subtle reprimand. Rank was respected amongst the squadron, but it was also held to a less stringent standard. There was a strong chemistry amongst the group that balanced protocol with a need to work and live together in close quarters for extended periods of time.

From across the room Cam watched the three soldiers interact. Jess was casual with her teammates, natural, relaxed even. He felt a twinge of jealousy at how easily Butch had made her laugh when just a few days ago Cam had needed to coax a smile out of her. The circumstances weren't comparable and he knew it. Cam quickly squashed his envy, returning his attention to the bowl of Jell-O in front of him.

Teal'c, who was sitting opposite Cam, glanced over his shoulder to see what had caught his teammate's attention. Never one to miss a beat, Teal'c was well aware of Cam's feelings for Jess, but equally aware of Tauri military rules regarding personal relationships between soldiers.

"Have you spoken with Major O'Connor since the Christmas party?" Teal'c questioned Cam.

"Me? Why?" Cam kept his eyes on his Jell-O. He'd meant to call Jess after their little heart-to-heart, but then Jarrod came through the gate, and priorities changed. Duty would always trump dating, and it was a well-timed reminder to Cam that his job made normal relationships effectively impossible.

"Daniel Jackson mentioned she had been to see you," Teal'c said as casually as a prying Jaffa could. Cam snapped his attention on Teal'c wondering exactly what Daniel had said to the rest of the team.

"SG1 to the bridge," a disembodied voice boomed over the intercom. "SG1 report to the bridge immediately."

"I believe the saying is saved by the buzzer," Teal'c observed his friend's relief at the interruption.

"Bell, big guy," Cam corrected. "It's saved by the bell."

Jess watched as Cam and Teal'c stood up and quickly made their way out of the room. Cam was careful not to make eye contact, but Teal'c gave her his trademark nod as they passed.

"We must be close," Jess said to Butch and Kirk. The two agreed with her assessment and figured it was best to put the game away. Besides, Jess had won.

"So what's with you and Mitchell anyway?" Kirk asked as he picked up the cards and put them back in their box.

"What do you mean?" Jess tried to keep her voice even.

"Well for two people who a few months ago couldn't have agreed that the sky is blue, you seem to have worked things out," Kirk studied her face, trying to read any reaction her words might not reveal.

Jess shrugged, "Lynch and Landry made it perfectly clear after my last major row with the Lt. Col. that I needed to put a sock in it."

"Is that why you've more or less avoided him the last couple of days?" Butch asked. He'd noticed the careful maneuvering Jess had been doing to stay clear of any direct contact with Cam.

"My mama always told me, if you don't have anything nice to say," Jess started while standing up from the table.

"Don't say anything at all," Butch and Kirk responded in chorus.

"Exactly," Jess smiled.

The three laughed it off as they headed toward their quarters. Jess secretly said a silent thank you that her teammates were so easily dissuaded from their line of questioning. After all, even if she wanted to be straight with them, she had no idea what was going on with her and Cam. And during a mission certainly wasn't the right time to work any of it out.

They had made it half way to their destination when they heard general quarters sound.

"I take it Dr. Jackson's negotiations didn't go as planned," Kirk commented. The three turned round and started running for the hanger bay.

The lights had dimmed and other crew members where hurrying to their stations creating havoc in the corridors. Jess, Butch and Kirk paused at the sound of missiles launching from their vessel.

"Two away," Kirk said looking at the ceiling as he listened.

Jess nodded her agreement.

The three picked up their pace, racing toward their 302s. Just as they reached the hanger Prometheus was rocked by a direct hit. The impact violently threw Jess to the ground and she slid across the floor.

Butch was first to his feet, "Jess, you okay?"

He reached out and helped her up.

"Fine, Kirk?" she answered and checked on her other teammate.

"I'm good, but what the hell is going on?" he hollered over the alarms.

Cracked pipes were hissing steam and an electrical wire overhead was spitting sparks down on Jess. Ignoring the chaos she lead the way over to the flight gear, grabbing her things and suiting up while techs scrambled to get the 302s ready to launch.

Just as the pilots were climbing into their jets, Cam and Teal'c came running into the hanger pulling their own flight gear on.

"The satellite is targeting Prometheus, so let's take it out before it gets a second shot off," Cam bellowed his orders above the noise of Prometheus coming apart around them.

Jess and Butch wasted no time, launching as soon as they were cleared for take off. Once free of the hanger Jess got her first good look at the damage done to her floating home.

"Jesus," she said into her radio.

Cam and Teal'c took lead of the squadron. Jess and the other pilots followed with out question, firing when ordered. They had their ship to protect.

"We're like gnats to that thing," Butch responded to the sight of their missiles detonating harmlessly off the satellite's shields.

"It's no use Blue Leader, our missiles aren't getting through," Jess radioed Cam.

"Keep at it boys," Cam responded, encouraging the entire squadron to do what they could.

Jess watched as the weapon fired a second time, sending another blow into Prometheus. The ships shields offered no protection, and the shot sliced easily through the hull.

"This isn't working, we are having zero impact," Butch said to her.

"I know Butch, I know," she vented her frustration on her co-pilot, but he didn't notice the venom in her voice.

"Prometheus, this is Blue Leader. Request status report," Cam's voice came over the radio.

"Er, not too good right now, Blue Leader," Col. Pendergast's voice responded.

"Can we assist?" Cam came again.

"Negative, Blue Leader, negative. Docking bays are too unstable for safe return. Stand by for orders," Pendergast answered.

There was a pause before Cam's response was heard, "Roger that."

From her flight pattern Jess had a clear view of Prometheus. The crippled vessel was listing heavily to one side and the extensive damage looked devastating. Between what she could see and the Colonel's instructions, she knew there was little hope for the ship.

It seemed like an endless silence had settled over the radios. There was nothing the 302s could do but watch Prometheus slowly shed pieces from its wounds.

"This is Colonel Lionel Pendergast of the Earth vessel Prometheus calling the Rand Protectorate," came the inevitable message over the radio. "Your attack on our vessel has seriously damaged our engines and has rendered our weapons systems inoperable. We are willing to negotiate the terms of our surrender."

There was no response.

"All right, this is useless," Cam said to Teal'c before signaling the 302s. "Blue Squadron, this is Blue Leader. Break off the attack and scramble formation between the Prometheus and the weapon."

Jess followed orders knowing full well what it meant. The 302s were no match for the satellite, but at least they might diminish the effect of another blow on Prometheus by getting in the way of the beam.

"This is President Nadal of the Rand Protectorate addressing the Earth vessel," an unfamiliar voice could be heard over the radio. "Please explain your blatant act of aggression against our nation."

"Our actions have been misconstrued as hostile," Pendergast defended his decision. "We are here to investigate why an emissary we sent to your planet, Dr. Daniel Jackson, has ceased all communications with us."

"And yet your first act upon entering our planet's space was to fire on our defense satellite," the President argued.

"But we detected that your satellite was powering up and aiming at us -- which we took to be the first act of aggression," Pendergast stated his case. "We merely responded in kind. Now we are no longer a threat to you. I have people on board this vessel who are in need of medical attention and I am venting atmosphere. Please consider our request for surrender."

Jess listened as the radio chatter ceased. The Rand weapon was charged again, and they were giving no sign of accepting the Colonel's request. Jess feared the worst.

"This is the Prometheus to all F-302's, we have begun our evacuation," Pendergast gave the order. "Advise you get clear of the ship and meet us at the rendezvous coordinates on the planet."

"Affirmative, Prometheus," Cam reluctantly answered.

Jess again followed the orders she was given. As she flew toward the rendezvous point, a final shot from the Rand weapon sliced through Prometheus, setting off a chain reaction that tore what was left of the crippled ship to bits in brilliant orange explosions.

"They had time," Butch said over the radio. "They had time to evacuate; some of them had to have had time."

Jess unhooked her mask, inhaling sharply, as the shock of what she had just witnessed settled in. She silently prayed both that Butch was right, and for those that hadn't made it.

After landing in Caledonian territory, Jess and Butch rode on a transport to the regrouping point. From what she could tell only about half of the crew was accounted for, and many of those who had made it were injured. There was no sign of Sam or Col. Pendergast yet, and she began to worry for her friend and commanding officer.

Jess forced her emotions aside. She was a soldier, and they were still in the middle of a battle. Worry could wait until later. Right now she needed to remain focused.

Once at the building, Jess and Butch made their way to the temporary command center to check in. She couldn't help but feel relief at the sight of Sam standing with Cam, Teal'c and a Caledonian. Jess knew better than to interrupt and waited just inside the door listening to what she could hear of their conversation to determine if there was anything she could do.

From where she was positioned she caught bits and pieces of their discussion. Something about E.M. pluses and sending a 302 back up to finish the job. At the end of their conversation, they seemed settled on a plan and Cam and Teal'c crossed the room toward the doorway that Jess and Butch were standing in.

Jess saluted her superior officer.

"Lt. Col. Mitchell Sir, if there's a 302 going up, Butch and I volunteer," Jess spoke up, and Butch indicated his agreement.

"Not this time," Cam barely even acknowledged her suggestion.

"Sir, with all due respect, Butch and I are more expendable than members of SG1," Jess dug her heals in. Strategically it made more sense to send the best pilot that wasn't of value to the mission in another capacity. That was her.

"Major," Cam gritted his teeth trying to keep his temper in check. "Do not argue with me, you are not flying this mission and that's final."

Cam looked Jess straight in the eyes trying to convey the things he couldn't say. Jess gave a salute as her only reply and stood at attention as Cam and Teal'c left to prepare for their flight.

* * *

Like the rest of Prometheus' crew, Jess and Butch had waited it out in the large warehouse that served as a makeshift aid station. They learned the details about how the conflict ended after it was all over.

The outcome was far from ideal, and there had been losses on all sides. Daniel had convinced the Rand to give the Caledonians the gate. It would allow all Caledonians who did not wish to convert to Origin to leave the planet. Both the Rand President and military commander had been killed, yet the satellite remained intact. Hardest for Jess, Col. Pendergast had been among the casualties when Prometheus was destroyed.

A string of post incident meetings kept the surviving crew on base after returning to Earth. Once the meetings concluded, they would be placed on stand-down while awaiting reassignment.

This morning there had been a memorial service for SGC and Prometheus personnel only. It was an opportunity for those that knew the truth to properly acknowledge the sacrifice that had been made. The official story was that a transport plane crashed tragically killing all on board. Jess hated that the families could never know the truth about their loved ones deaths. It seemed to tarnish their memories.

The SGC ceremony had all the pomp and circumstance appropriate for such occasions. Jess stuck close to Butch and the rest of her squadron. This wasn't the first military funeral she'd attended. Her time in the Middle East had provided her with ample experience in this part of soldiering. Death is an unavoidable reality of war. Knowing that doesn't make it easier on a soldier, it just helps to tamp down the emotions that come with loosing your friends.

After the ceremony, Jess wandered the halls aimlessly. Her part in the meetings had reached its natural conclusion. Still she lingered on base, unwilling to head home just yet. Instead, Jess found herself in front of a familiar office door and knocked.

Daniel looked up from the file on his desk and offered a welcoming smile.

"Want some company?" she asked.

"Sure," Daniel closed his file and watched Jess as she walked in.

Jess wandered over to the bookshelf aware of the eyes on her. She ran her hand over the book bindings, stopping on a volume of Greek mythology. She took it off the shelf and opened it to the chapter on Prometheus.

As she read, Daniel watched, already familiar with the story.

Another knock on the door frame interrupted the silence between them, and Cam walked into the room in casual clothes carrying a bag with him.

"Hey. I haven't seen you since the memorial service," Daniel greeted him. Jess just kept reading. She knew she should salute her superior officer, but she wasn't in the mood for any more military formality. The memorial service had used up her quota for the day.

"Yeah. Rough day," Cam answered.

Cam grabbed three cans of beer out of his bag. He opened one and passed it to Daniel, then repeated the action giving one to Jess before opening the last one for him self.

"So where've you been?" Jess asked as she put the book back where she found it. It was the first thing she'd said to him since Tegalus.

"I hand-delivered Landry's letter to Colonel Pendergast's wife and kids. They need to know that he died saving his crew. That his death matters," Cam explained. The words held a depth of meaning for Jess, and her appreciation for his point was apparent.

"Well, seventy-six people survived, that's a testament to his leadership," Daniel offered.

"And yours. We never would have got off that planet if you hadn't brokered the deal," Cam added.

"So I take it then you haven't heard," Jess decided to break the news.

"Heard what?" Cam questioned suspiciously.

Daniel sighed, "Soon after we left, the talks broke down."

"And?" Cam pressed.

"And we've been unable to make contact with them," Daniel explained.

"General Landry had the Daedalus re-route on its way back from Atlantis," Jess added what she knew. "It seems the Caledonians weren't content to just leave their fair planet."

"They launched an attack," Cam assumed.

"And Rand responded," Daniel continued. "The Stargate is presumed buried in the rubble."

Cam shook his head in disbelief, "Rough day."

"Rough day," Daniel echoed.


	11. Chapter 11

"I should get going," Jess said when she finished her beer. She casually tossed the empty can in the waste basket.

"Heading home?" Daniel asked.

"There's no reason to stay here anymore," Jess shrugged. A little hint of the trepidation she was feeling snuck out in her voice.

"Need a ride?" Cam offered. He knew most of Prometheus' crew had been scrambling to find ways home since the ceremony.

"I've got it covered," Jess gave a vague explanation that both Daniel and Cam saw right through.

"I can drive you, it's no problem," Cam really wanted a chance to talk to her.

"If you're sure you don't mind," Jess relented. It was easier than begging yet another ride off of Hank. Jess was determined to drive herself to the base next time. She hated feeling trapped by her lack of vehicle.

They said their good-byes to Daniel, and stopped long enough to grab Jess' things before heading for the surface.

In the parking lot, Cam opened the trunk so both he and Jess could toss their bags in. Then he got her door for her before heading around to the driver's side. The engine of Cam's classic Mustang roared to life as Jess fastened her seat belt.

"Thanks for the ride," she offered, ill at ease with the silence between them.

Cam just nodded as he pulled out. He had something very specific that he wanted to say, but not yet.

Jess watched out the window as they drove off the base, painfully aware of the tension in the car. They'd both been so busy since the mission that there had been no time to resolve any of the more personal issues between them. Now that things with Prometheus had run their course, she was left wondering what, if anything, that day at his apartment had meant. All Jess knew for sure was that she was beginning to regret accepting the ride.

"I want to make something perfectly clear," Cam started the moment they crossed the last check point.

Jess shifted uncomfortably at his tone. Cam glanced in the rearview mirror to reaffirm that they were truly off base.

"You are not expendable," Cam briefly made eye contact with her before returning his attention to the road.

"I don't understand?" Jess asked for clarification.

"On Tagelus, you volunteered to fly the mission saying that you were more expendable than Teal'c or me," Cam answered. "You're not; at least to me you're not."

Jess didn't know how to respond. She had forgotten the specific details of their exchange that day. She just remembered the determined look in his eyes when he'd shot her down, and the sickening feeling she'd had while waiting for some news of what ultimately had happened.

Rather than stumble over an awkward sentiment, she simply reached out and brushed Cam's cheek.

Cam savored the sensation of her touch. He'd wanted her close since they'd gotten back on Earth, but their circumstances had made that impossible. Instead he'd had to wait, knowing that nothing was defined between them, and that she might not feel the same. Now, with her alone in his car, he wasn't waiting any longer. Cam pulled over to the side of the road, shifting the car into neutral.

Jess unfastened her seatbelt and slid across the seat toward Cam. This time he found no hesitation or uncertainty in Jess' eyes. Once next to him, she repeated her previous gesture, lightly running her fingers along his jaw line. Cam closed his eyes and sighed.

Their first kiss was tender, careful, and almost innocent. The second was far more self assured. By the third kiss, Cam didn't bother holding anything back. He wrapped his arms around Jess drawing her closer, hungry for the feel of her body against his.

Jess was inclined to undo Cam's seatbelt, but thought better of it. That restraint was the only thing stopping them from making like a couple of teenagers parked on lover's lane. She gave a satisfied moan and put a little space between them, a mischievous grin reaching all the way to her eyes.

"In your car, on the side of the road, this close to the base is a little reckless even for me," she teased.

Cam laughed, resting his forehead against hers, and took a moment to get his heart rate back under control.

He reached up and brushed Jess' cheek with his thumb, "So home then?"

His blue eyes were brimming with hope as Jess slid back over to her side of the car and re-fastened her seatbelt.

"Your place is closer," she gave him permission to do what they both wanted.

"Right, good point," Cam agreed and shifted back into gear, checking his blind spot before pulling back on to the road.

* * *

Jess leaned against the wall in the hallway waiting for Cam to unlock the door to his apartment. She hated to admit it but she was nervous. It's not like she had ever made a habit of going home with men, let alone fraternized with another officer. Technically they weren't breaking any rules given that they were in different chains of command, but they were definitely flirting with the line.

Cam turned the knob opening the door to his place, and looked over at Jess.

"You sure about this?" he asked, trying to play the gentleman even while mentally crossing his fingers.

Jess gave him a seductive smile, moving in and standing on her toes to bring her self closer to his height.

"Absolutely," was her breathy response. Nerves be damned; she laid a kiss across his lips that left no doubt as to the degree of her certainty.

Jess sauntered into Cam's wide open apartment, leaving him standing in the doorway with an ear-to-ear grin plastered across his face. She tossed her bag against the side of the couch and turned back to see if he was following.

Cam put a thumb to his still smirking lips. Casually, he walked in after her pausing just long enough to shut and lock the door.

* * *

Jess lay on her side, with her back to Cam. Her eyes were closed but she was still very much awake. She listened to the sound of his slow even breathing, taking it as a sign that he'd fallen asleep. Jess smiled smugly in the darkness, she'd worn him out.

"Proud of yourself?" Cam asked, rolling to curl against her. He couldn't see her face, but was none the less sure of her expression.

"Very," Jess cooed. "Should I be?"

"Mmm-Hmm," he hummed his answer against the crook of her neck.

Cam dragged his fingers lightly down her side, tracing the contour of her figure. It tickled and Jess squirmed, which only served to encourage him. By the time Cam's hand reached its destination, she wasn't squirming anymore.

"Again?" she purred.

"Heh," Cam laughed and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Definitely, but not quiet yet."

Jess' smug smile was firmly back in place as she rolled onto her back, leaving Cam propped on one elbow above her. He wondered how she could look so completely innocent and utterly seductive at the exact same time. Though he was pretty damn sure it had a lot to do with the way she was rubbing her leg against his.

Cam ran his fingers through Jess' hair, twirling a section around his index finger. He liked this; having her naked in his bed. It felt good, even better than he'd have guessed. They'd have to talk eventually. They needed to come to an understanding about what exactly was going on between them. But not right now. Tonight he just wanted to enjoy this, and see if maybe he could get her to do that thing she did with her tongue again.

Cam shifted so that Jess was completely beneath him. He leaned in and kissed her tenderly. It was undeniably time for round two.

* * *

When Jess woke, it was still dark out. She and Cam were tangled together the way only new lovers tend to sleep, and Jess was in no hurry to change that. Waking up to Cameron Mitchell felt right in a way she couldn't explain. Jess smiled to herself as she enjoyed the intimacy of the moment.

Eventually, Jess untangled herself, careful not to wake Cam. She slid to the side of the bed scanning for something to slip on long enough to retrieve her bag from the living room. Their clothes were scattered around the room. Neatness hadn't really been a concern last night. Cam's t-shirt was closest to Jess, and cliché that it was, she put it on.

Jess padded around the apartment. She found her bag, used the bathroom, and brushed her teeth before curling up on the couch with a fleece throw she found in the living room. She turned on the TV, keeping the volume low, but she didn't change into her own clothes. She liked the t-shirt more.

Cam woke to find him self alone in bed. The spot where Jess had been was cool indicating he'd been that way for awhile. Unconcerned, he stretched before abandoning the warmth of his side of the bed to find a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt. After his own side trip to the bathroom, he casually wandered out to the living room, finding Jess on his couch.

Cam sat next to her and tugged on her sleeve noting that it was actually his t-shirt.

"Rule number one, whoever's up first starts the coffee," Cam dictated, grabbing the remote from Jess' hand.

"Good morning to you too," Jess stayed firmly in place wanting a proper greeting.

"Good morning," Cam picked up on the hint, giving Jess a quick peck and an impish grin.

"Coffee," Jess nodded and got up from her spot.

"It's in the freezer, pots on the counter," Cam called after her, enjoying the site of her bare legs poking out from the bottom of his shirt.

Once her legs were hidden behind the counter of his apartment's open concept kitchen, Cam switched stations to watch ESPN's Sports Center.

"So what time do you need to be back on base?" Jess asked while she measured grounds into the coffee maker.

Cam consulted the wall clock, "In about an hour."

Jess stopped what she was doing, "That doesn't exactly leave us time to get me home."

"You see a problem, I see an opportunity," Cam tried to shoo her back to the task at hand.

Jess stood stubbornly in the kitchen, arms folded. Her body language made it perfectly clear that there would be no caffeine fix without a further explanation.

Cam walked into the kitchen and placed his hands on Jess' hips.

"Why don't you hang out here for the day," he explained his grand plan. "I'll grab take out after work. We can eat Szechwan, maybe watch a movie, and then I promise I'll take you home."

"You like Szechwan right?" Cam quickly added suddenly concerned that the main staple of his diet might not be acceptable.

"Yeah," Jess laughed agreeing to both the plan and dinner suggestion with one word. Sitting around Cam's place for the day wasn't ideal, but they did need to talk. Dinner might give them that opportunity.

Pleased with her acceptance of the plan, Cam leaned in for a kiss that Jess enthusiastically returned. He toyed with the bottom edge of her t-shirt knowing full well there wasn't really time for what he was suggesting.

"I really need to get ready for work," Cam reluctantly backed off.

Jess gave him a wicked grin, "And I've got coffee to make."

Cam gave her one last smooch before retreating down the hallway to take a shower, a very cold shower. Within 30 minutes he was dressed and out the door, leaving Jess alone in his apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

BDUs. Jess was standing wrapped in a towel sorting through her bag. She'd taken a shower after Cam left and was looking for something to wear for the day. Since she hadn't been home yet, she was limited to the standard issue this and that that the SGC supply officer had distributed to all surviving crew members when they reached the base. In other words, black and green BDUs.

Jess suited up in what she had and looked at the clock. It wasn't even 0900 yet. Cam wouldn't be back for at least another 8 or 9 hours.

"I'm going to go nuts," she said to herself.

She packed her things back up, before returning to the living room. Jess surveyed her entertainment options. There was TV, a fairly extensive collection of DVDs, and a Playstation 2 complete with the requisite sports and Doom-style games.

Jess opted for a refill on her coffee. While in the kitchen, she peeked in the fridge and found about what she was expecting; left over take out in various stages of decay, a surprisingly diverse assortment of condiments, a half empty gallon of expired milk, and beer. This was definitely the pad of a confirmed bachelor who wasn't home very much.

Coffee in hand, Jess returned to the living room and planted herself on the couch. TV it would be.

* * *

Cam checked his watch again. He had been hoping to leave a little early, but Daniel's briefing on the International Oversight Authority was running long. The information was relevant to the overall operation, but had little to do with SG1. Cam did his best to focus, but his impatience hadn't gone unnoticed.

Daniel stopped his lecture, "I'm sorry, am I boring you?"

"No," Cam sat forward and flipped through the file in front of him. His teammates continued to stare him down.

"What?" he asked.

"Perhaps it would be best to continue this discussion at another time," Teal'c recommended. Truthfully, he'd heard more than enough for one day too. He was just better at hiding it.

Sam agreed. Overruled by the rest of his team, Daniel closed out of the presentation on his laptop and started to pack up his things.

"Good, well I'll see you all tomorrow then," Cam re-checked the time. It was almost 1700. If he called in the order he could be home, food in hand, within the hour.

Sam followed Cam out of the meeting room and down the hall, "So how's Jess?"

"O'Connor?" Cam choked on his answer, caught off guard by the question.

Sam gave him a puzzled look, "Daniel said you gave her a ride home last night."

"Oh, yeah, I did. She's fine," Cam tried to play it easy, but Sam wasn't buying it.

He stopped at his office to drop of his files, and Sam followed him in.

"Want some advice?" she offered.

Cam was going to play dumb, but one look at Sam told him that would be useless. She had him pegged.

"Yeah, I could use some of that," Cam admitted. Sam was the one friend who might actually understand his situation.

"It's not easy is it," Sam smiled softly. She had plenty of experience trying to balance her role on SG1 with personal relationships.

"No, no its not," Cam agreed. "When you were dating Pete…"

"That was different," Sam cut him off. "Jess is part of this operation, she has a perspective that Pete never did."

"That other perspective is what has me worried," Cam confessed. "You know she's been earmarked for the Odyssey?"

"I heard," Sam confirmed the rumor. At her level, she was well plugged into the gossip network. Jess' assignment meant she'd be deployed for months at a time, just like on Prometheus. That kind of assignment wasn't exactly relationship friendly. "You'll work it out if you want to."

"Wanting to ain't the issue," Cam shook his head. "At least not on my end."

"You don't think she wants too?" Sam was confused.

"Let's just say she plays her cards close to the vest," Cam acknowledged his inability to read Jess. Even after last night he wasn't sure if they were on the same page.

"Just be honest with her," Sam advised. "And be patient."

Cam nodded his agreement to Sam's sound advice. When it came to Jess, patience was definitely key.

* * *

Jess heard the door open and paused the video game she was playing. She got up and went to help Cam with the food.

"Save the world today?" she asked, taking the bag full of dinner from Cam and heading for the kitchen. She was starving.

Cam looked at the TV and saw which game Jess had been playing, "Nope, you?"

"Twice," Jess smiled, quickly picking up on his reference to the game. "And your refrigerator too."

"My fridge?" Cam hurried into the kitchen and opened the appliance's door.

"Sorry, I had to. Things were growing legs in there," Jess laughed at the distraught look on Cam's face as he surveyed his now leftover free fridge.

"Some of that stuff was still good," he pouted.

"For what, one of Sam's experiments?" Jess teased.

Cam grabbed two beers, thankful that at least those had survived the apparent cleaning spree. He opened them both and handed one to Jess.

"See if I leave you alone at my place again," he said sarcastically as he took a drink from his bottle.

"If you think that's bad, wait till you see what I did to your sock drawer," Jess quickly sipped her own beer to cover the smile she couldn't hold back.

Cam stared open mouthed at her, "You're kidding right?"

Jess just winked at him, and turned to unpack the food before she lost it. She would never have been so invasive as to go through his drawers, but it was fun watching him squirm.

Cam came up and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Funny, very funny," he said, taking the opportunity to kiss her neck.

Jess twisted around in his arms. Her eyes were full of laughter as she gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Plates?" She half asked, half commanded.

Cam took the hint. He pulled out plates and silverware while she finished unpacking the white cartons of rice and spicy beef with vegetables.

"I've got news for you," Cam said as they both dished up there shares of take out.

"What's that?" Jess asked.

"A rumor about your reassignment," Cam watched her for reaction as they sat down at the table to eat.

"The Odyssey. My whole squadron is to report tomorrow morning at 0800," Jess took a bite of her food.

"How'd…" Cam found himself stunned for the second time since getting home. His source had known what but not when.

"I checked my messages. They want us up and running before any more teams go through the gate," Jess explained.

"Makes sense," Cam couldn't hide his disappointment. He'd been hoping they'd have more time together before she was re-deployed.

Jess just shrugged. She'd been hoping to be reassigned quickly. Too much down time after a tragedy like Prometheus wasn't good for moral. The faster her team could get back at it, the better.

"In that case, why don't you just stay here again tonight," Cam cautiously suggested.

Jess adamantly shook her head no.

"I've got to go home," she explained. "There are things I need to pick up, and I'd really like to see Maggie and Joe before being re-deployed."

"We could take a drive after dinner so you can do what you need to do?" Cam was undeterred. "You'll need a ride into the base tomorrow anyway."

"I called in a few favors and got permission to keep a car on base," Jess blocked his second attempt. "Besides, I don't think it's a good idea for us to make a habit of coming and going from the base together."

He couldn't argue with her on that point. They weren't breaking any rules, but it was still a delicate situation. The gossip mill was already saying enough just based on them leaving together last night. No need to fan the flames.

Jess glanced up to try and gage what Cam was thinking. All day long she'd been mulling over what to do. If she let herself, she knew she could easily fall in love with him. She was already half way there. What she wasn't sure of is how he felt about her.

"Tell you what, why don't I drive back here after I'm done at home?" Jess spoke more to her plate than to Cam. "That way we'll have our own cars in the morning."

"If that's what you want to do," Cam tried to be nonchalant about his response, his expression betraying what he was really feeling.

Jess smiled to herself. Some risks were worth taking.

* * *

Once home, Jess spent some time catching up with Maggie and Joe, and set about getting the things she needed. She hadn't brought many personal items with her on Prometheus. There was no need to. The Air Force supplied all the necessities, the crew was always in uniform, and cell phones, credit cards or cash were useless. After all, it wasn't like crew members could run out to Target for shampoo or catch a movie at the cinema while off duty.

She just needed to grab a few personal items. Basically, there were just some things that Victoria's Secret did better than the U.S. Air Force. She'd lost most of her collection on Prometheus, but she packed up what she had left and vowed to splurge on new things the next time she was on leave.

She also took the time to change into something other than BDUs. This would be the last chance she would have for a while to wear jeans and a comfortable sweater.

Things in order, Jess headed back to Cam's place as planned.

Cam answered her knock on his door.

"That was quick," he said taking her bag from her. He dropped it next to the couch.

"Not much to it," Jess remarked as she closed the door behind them and wandered into the living room.

"Jeans?" Cam observed her change of clothes, not that he was complaining.

"Got to take advantage while I can," Jess shrugged. Her answer put a wily smile on his face.

"Exactly," he agreed. Cam used the belt loops on Jess' jeans to pull her to him.

"Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell, just what exactly do you think you're doing?" Jess playfully questioned.

"Taking advantage while I can," Cam smirked, turned on by the way she used his rank and full name. He leaned in to kiss her, but Jess resisted.

"Is this the only reason you wanted me here tonight?" She pretended to protest.

"Mmm," Cam bit his lower lip. "Will I be in trouble if I say yes?"

Jess' eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Definitely," she said in a way that let him know 'in trouble' was exactly where he wanted to be.

* * *

For the second morning in a row Jess woke up wrapped in Cam's arms and not much else. She checked the clock and saw that it would be another hour before the alarm went off. Just as she'd done the day before, she carefully slid out of bed. This time she pulled on her own clothes before going to the kitchen to start the coffee. With rule number one adhered to, she snuck into the bathroom to take a shower.

Jess was finished getting ready by the time the alarm clock finally sounded. She went to the kitchen and poured Cam a cup of coffee and returned to the bedroom. Cam sat up as she walked into the room. He gratefully accepted the offering, blowing on it before taking a sip.

"Do you ever sleep?" he asked, perplexed by how she'd managed to beat the alarm once again.

"Sure. I get a solid 4-5 hours almost every night," Jess laughed. She sat on the edge of the bed next to him, with one leg tucked up under her.

"You look like you're ready to go," he observed.

"I just thought I'd get to the base a little early and make sure everything is set," Jess started picking at the comforter. She hated good-byes.

"And here I was hoping I'd get to wash your hair," Cam flirted with her.

"Next time, I promise," Jess blushed at his suggestion.

"Any idea when that'll be?" Cam asked taking another drink from his mug.

Jess shook her head no and picked at the comforter again. "It sounded like we'll be gone for a while. The Odyssey's going to need a good run to get the kinks worked out."

"Hey," Cam gave a little tug on the cuff of Jess' BDUs with his free hand. "This can work."

Jess measured him up.

"I'd like it to," she admitted.

"Good, me too," Cam reassured her but didn't push it any further. 'Patience,' he silently reminded himself of Sam's advice.

"Besides, we'll probably be calling you guys for a ride before the week is out anyway," Cam joked about his team's regular need to be bailed out of trouble.

"Intergalactic taxi service for SG1 is our primary mission," Jess kidded.

Cam chuckled before turning serious again.

"C'mere," Cam gave her a crooked grin that did more to communicate what he was thinking than his words.

Jess leaned in and kissed him.

"Be careful," he advised.

"You too," Jess responded.

The two kissed one more time before Jess got up and left the room. Bogey and Bacall they were not, but it was enough for them.

Cam waited until he heard the door shut before getting out of bed and starting his usual morning routine. There was no doubt in his mind; he was going to miss her like crazy.


	13. Chapter 13

The Ori were up to something big. What that was no one knew for sure, but the Prior's increased activity had to mean something. The Odyssey had been crisscrossing the galaxy for nearly two months with no results to show for their efforts. Their only break had come when SG1 needed to use the ship for a mission when a SG1 team from an alternate universe had come through the gate.

The stress, unknown threat, extended deployment, and tight quarters were beginning to ware on the crew.

Blue squadron was assembled in their team room waiting for a meeting to begin. It had been called at the last minute, and Jess was eager for some good news. The ship had finally returned to Earth's orbit and she was hoping that meant they'd been given some much needed leave. Even a weekend of freedom could do wonders for moral.

Lt. Col. Matt Lynch entered and walked to the front of the room. His demeanor immediately dashed Jess' hopes.

"Well this doesn't look promising," she whispered to Butch.

"I vote for another Ori plague," Butch guessed as to what was going on.

"Not a chance. First rule of being the bad guy is never use the same tactic twice," Jess only half joked.

"Quiet down people," Matt commanded his team. Once he had their full attention he started the briefing.

"At approximately 1500 hours the SGC lost contact with the Gamma site," Matt informed his team. "Initial intel indicates that a breed of roaches designated R-75 may be the problem."

Matt continued. "The bugs were supposed to be harmless, but apparently they've developed a veracious appetite for meat. We don't know much other than that the base's gate room is infested with these things. Under protocol CR-91 we are being deployed to the Gamma site to deliver a neurotoxin payload that will eliminate the R-75 threat."

"We're the Orkin man," Butch snarked, but Jess wasn't amused.

"Sir, won't that be dangerous for people as well?" she asked.

"That's correct Major," Matt confirmed.

"With the gate room overrun, what's being done to evacuate the Gamma base?" she pressed.

"The SGC is working on that," Matt gave a non-committal answer. "Our concern is getting there as fast as possible and delivering the bug bomb."

"Can't we just beam everyone on board when we get there?" Major Kirk Johnson wondered.

"Not this time," Matt explained. "Part of the reason this planet was picked for the Gamma site is because it has a unique radioactive ionosphere which makes it difficult to lock onto surface targets from orbit. It keeps the gate from being stolen, but it also means we won't be able to lock on to personal transmitters."

"Why not scan for life signs and find survivors that way?" Jess suggested.

"The scientists have reason to believe that these bugs are multiplying at a phenomenal rate," Matt laid out the scenario. "Part of the reason we're in such a hurry to get there is that the longer it takes, the more bugs there are going to be. The more bugs there are, the harder its going to be to distinguish one life sign from another."

"We could do a visual scan from the 302s before we bomb the planet," Butch threw in his two cents.

"We'll have to wait until we get there and see what we find, but nothings being ruled out," Matt again wouldn't commit to a definite course of action.

What he wasn't saying was that the SGC doubted that anyone would survive long enough for rescue. Sharing that with his crew served no purpose. It was better that they maintained focus on helping potential survivors than spend the next 10 hours contemplating how many lives had been lost. Moral on the Odyssey was low enough.

"There's one more thing," Matt added. "SG1 escorted four International Oversight Authority members to the Gamma site this morning for a tour and inspection. If there is a search and rescue component to this mission, the safety of the I.O.A. delegation is our top priority."

Jess froze. 'Not again,' she thought to herself.

Just a few weeks ago SG1 had been trapped on P6G-452 when Baal stole the planet's Stargate. The team had been beamed on board the Odyssey just as they were facing a firing squad. Granted the upside to that situation had been a rare opportunity for Jess to see Cam. Still, Jess was beginning to realize that her long deployments were going to be the least stressful part of their relationship.

While Jess was lost in her own thoughts, Matt had wrapped the briefing and dismissed his crew.

"Come on, let's go get some lunch, I'm starving," Butch nudged her.

Jess wasn't particularly hungry, but she went with Butch anyway. It was at least something to keep busy with. As they walked, Jess reminded herself as that SG1 always managed to find their way out of even the worst circumstances. She had faith they could do it again. All they had to do was hold out until the Odyssey arrived. The role reversal of Jess consistently coming to Cam's rescue wasn't lost on her. Feeling reassured, she cracked a smile at the thought.

* * *

Ten hours later Jess and Matt were on the bridge awaiting the results of the Odyssey's initial scans of the planet and base. Col. Emerson would determine a course of action based on the results.

"Col. Emerson Sir, it appears that the Gamma base's self destruct was activated," a tech reported from his monitoring station. "Life sign readings are all over the map, it's impossible to tell if there are any survivors."

Col. Emerson took his time mulling over the information. Jess waited in stunned silence. Exactly how bad did a bug problem have to be to warrant destroying the entire base?

"Sergeant, this is now a salvage operation. Target near the base and prepare to fire the bomb," Emerson gave his order. With the base destroyed he felt there was no chance of finding survivors. It was the kind of difficult decision he hated having to make.

Jess' legs went limp at Emerson's command. She refused to believe what she was hearing; this couldn't be happening, SG1 had to be ok. Some stupid bug was not going to be what did them in. Not after all the crap they'd managed to get out of.

She wanted to speak up, to argue that there was still a chance someone had survived, but she couldn't. She couldn't even take a full breath. The edges of her vision began to cloud. Jess steadied herself against the consol she was standing next to and tried to pull it together. She wasn't about to give up on them, there had to be something they could do.

Matt watched as the color drained from Jess' face. He'd never seen her so pale.

"O'Connor?" he reached out and took her elbow.

"Col. Emerson, we're picking up a transmission from the planet," the tech shouted excitedly.

Jess snapped her attention on the tech, "Can you triangulate the position?"

There was a pause as the tech tried to zero in on the signal.

"Yes Ma'am, I'm reading eight survivors and bugs closing in fast," the tech finally replied.

"Well get them on board," Emerson commanded.

Jess turned forward and watched as the I.O.A. delegates and SG1 materialized on the bridge. She immediately locked eyes with Cam. She still couldn't breathe properly, but now it was for a completely different reason.

"Welcome aboard the Odyssey," Col. Emerson welcomed his guests.

Cam switched his attention to the colonel.

"Thank you Sir, it's good to be aboard," he said, stealing another glance over at Jess.

Richard Woosley began complaining about the botched site visit as Odyssey crew members tended to the I.O.A. delegates. Col. Emerson asked Cam and Sam for a report on just what had happened and what the chances were for other survivors. Jess was oblivious to it all. She turned to Matt.

"Sir," her voice quivered, barely above a whisper.

"Dismissed," Matt gave her permission to leave the bridge.

Jess turned on her heals and made for the nearest head. She could taste the bile building in the back of her throat and barely made it to the toilet before getting sick. Jess stayed on the floor, breathing heavily. Without leaving her knees, she reached up and flushed.

Still trembling, Jess stood and went to the sink. She cupped her hand under the faucet to get water she could rinse her mouth with. She also splashed some water on her face. Reasonably confident that she'd regained her composure, Jess exited the bathroom. Matt was waiting for her in the corridor.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes Sir," Jess said with more confidence than she felt.

"Good," Matt nodded. "We've got a mission. Emerson wants us to do a sweep of the planet to visually confirm there are no other survivors. From what SG1 reports the chances are pretty slim, but if the I.O.A. members could make it…"

Jess indicated her understanding, but didn't say anything. She was still a little unsure about her stomach.

"Gum," Matt offered her a stick of Wriggles from a pack he had in his pocket as they walked to the hanger bay.

"Thanks," Jess gladly excepted.

"I just need to know one thing," he said as he took a stick for himself. "I need to know that it's not going to affect your ability to do your job, that you can handle it regardless of the circumstances."

Jess debated how to answer. Matt hadn't defined "it"; he didn't need to. She'd made "it" obvious enough for anyone paying attention on the bridge.

"Sir, I assure you it won't be a problem," Jess was honest with him.

She knew her behavior on the bridge didn't exactly back up that statement, but she also felt that she could set her personal feelings aside if she had to. Jess was a soldier, it was conditioned into her.

"That's all I wanted to hear," Matt didn't push it any further. He'd made his point.

* * *

Blue squadron came up empty. No one else from the Gamma site had made it.

Disheartened, Jess made her way to her quarters to change out of her flight suit. With the sweep completed, Emerson would deliver the bug bomb. Then they would head back to Earth to drop off SG1. A salvage team would be put together and brought back to the planet, with the first priority being to recover the gate.

Jess opened the door to her quarters. She stopped short of entering, shocked to find Cam stretched out on her bunk with his arms behind his head and legs crossed at the ankle.

"About time you got back," Cam smiled at her.

Jess looked up and down the hall to see if anyone else had noticed her unexpected guest. Surely the security cameras had recorded him coming in.

"Shut the door," Cam ordered, sitting up.

"You shouldn't be in here," Jess objected.

"Shut the door," Cam repeated, emphasizing each word.

This time Jess did as she was told. Cam stood up and walked over to her. Taking her face in both his hands, he kissed her. Jess relaxed into his embrace, relishing the feel of him against her.

"I thought I lost you this time," she confessed, hugging him in close.

"That makes two of us," Cam sighed.

He knew he couldn't linger. It was one thing to be in her quarters when the logs would clearly show she'd been off the ship on a mission. Hell, each member of SG1 and all of the I.O.A. delegates had commandeered a blue squadron members' quarters while the team was gone. It was an easy way to find a quiet, private place for some much needed rest. Now that she was back though, it could cause problems for both of them if he didn't leave quickly.

"I've got to go," he reluctantly loosened his hold on her.

Jess kissed him again.

"I know," she said.

Cam bit his bottom lip, there was so much he wanted to say, but there wasn't time and this wasn't the place. He nodded, gave her one last quick kiss, and walked out the door.

Jess sat down on her bed, grabbing her pillow. It smelled like him and she hugged it close. She couldn't help but wonder about how many times Cam could cheat death. Even simple missions seemed to have a way of going badly for SG1. One of these times his luck was bound to run out.


	14. Chapter 14

Jess walked out of the SGC woman's locker room with her bag in hand. The jeans, sweater and boots she'd changed into felt luxurious after months of BDUs. Having a car on base had freed her from having to scramble for a ride and she made her way toward the elevators, ready for some much needed leave.

Cam was heading back to his office between meetings when he saw Jess stepping into the elevator.

"Hold the elevator Major," Cam stopped her. He'd been planning on calling her later, but this was even better.

Jess did as she was told, glad for the chance to catch him before she left. The last she'd heard SG1 was still tied up in debriefings.

"In a hurry to get out of here?" He razzed her as he got on the elevator.

"Absolutely," she smiled. She pressed the button for the surface level. "Leave is a precious thing. I want to make the most out of it, and I certainly can't do that on base."

Cam easily picked up on the underlying meaning of her statement.

"How much time did they give you?" he asked thinking through his schedule to figure out what he could realistically rearrange. He had to stay on base most of today for sure, but Hank had already told SG1 to take a couple of days off after that.

"Just today and tomorrow," Jess filled him in. "They'll have the salvage team and equipment assembled by Thursday morning."

"One day, two nights," Cam's wheels were turning. The elevator ride was almost over so he just got right to the point, "Want to play house?"

Jess' face lit up at the suggestion, "I've got a few errands to run, but why don't I meet you at your place around 1800."

"Perfect," Cam agreed to the plan just as the elevator doors opened.

Resisting the overwhelming urge to kiss him, Jess just gave him one last grin and exited the elevator. Cam pushed the floor he needed and stood there watching her walk away until the doors closed again. Man, but he loved the way jeans fit her.

* * *

Jess stopped out at the ranch to say hello to Maggie and Joe. She stayed for about an hour, then grabbed her debit card and cell phone and made her way to the mall. She had a promise to keep to herself.

It was an expensive shopping spree, but it was much needed. Besides, her job paid well and she basically had no living expenses so she could afford a little pampering. Jess replaced the necessities she'd lost on Prometheus and splurged on a couple of new outfits to wear over the next couple of days. There was just something about new clothes that boosted her confidence.

Jess removed all the tags, repacking her purchases into her duffle bag before she got to Cam's place. She didn't see any point in showing up loaded down with shopping bags. It might give him the wrong impression.

Cam heard the knock at his door and noted the time; 1815.

"You're late," he scolded as he opened the door. He'd hurried home and been impatiently waiting for her to arrive.

"I said around 1800," Jess defended her self.

"True," Cam conceded as he took her bag, setting it down in its usual place next to his couch. "But you're only on a 48 hour pass so every minute counts."

The few times he'd seen her on the Odyssey had been torturous for him. She'd been right there, and yet completely untouchable. Now that they were alone, Cam wasted no time pulling her in for a kiss. He parted her lips with his tongue and eagerly explored her mouth.

"Not so fast flyboy," Jess stopped things from progressing any further. She pulled back a little, but stayed in his arms.

"Why not?" Cam was already breathing heavy and tried to persuade her with another kiss.

It worked at first. After all, Jess was equally interested in what he was offering. She moaned as he slipped his hands under her sweater running his finger tips over her skin. Cam easily unhooked her bra, and moved to take advantage of his handy work.

"Hmm, no you don't," Jess playfully pushed him away. "No distracting me."

She walked over to the kitchen table to put some space between them. Cam looked equally dejected and frustrated as he watched her refasten her bra. Jess smirked at the site of him, but stayed firmly in place.

"I want you to take me out on a date," Jess laid out her objection for him.

"A date?" Cam asked as though it was a completely foreign concept for him.

"Yeah, you know dinner maybe a movie," Jess explained. "Something a normal couple would do."

Cam gave her a boyish grin, "Couple?"

Jess blushed all the way to her ears, suddenly embarrassed by her assumption about their status. There'd just been the one weekend after the Prometheus incident and their limited interaction since she'd been deployed. Maybe she was being presumptuous.

Cam walked over to her, placing his hands on her hips. He kissed her forehead then rubbed her nose with his.

"I'll pick the restaurant, you pick the movie," he reassured her that she'd said the right thing.

* * *

Cam unlocked the door to his apartment, turned the knob and let them both in. The date had been ideal. As much as he liked having Jess all to himself, being out with her on his arm had been its own kind of wonderful. It also had solidified his opinion that Jessica O'Connor was a woman he wanted in his life in a much more significant capacity.

Jess was equally pleased with how the evening had gone. It had been a chance for them to connect on a different level, and made her feel more confident that his feelings for her went beyond their mutual physical attraction. Aside from sneaking in a few nibbles on her neck during the movie, Cam had been the perfect gentleman.

Cam flipped the lights on only to have Jess place her hand over his and flip them right back off again. The look in her eyes made her intentions perfectly clear.

"So where were we?" Cam asked referring back to when she'd first arrived at his place.

"I think you were about to take my clothes off," Jess reminded him.

Cam bit his lower lip, "Oh yeah, that's right."

Jess gave him a mischievous grin. She tugged teasingly on his shirt, steering them toward the bedroom. There was plenty of lost time to make up for.

* * *

The smell of coffee woke Cam and let him know that once again Jess was up first. How she could manage on so little sleep was beyond him, especially when there was no good reason to be out of bed so early. It was a quirk for sure.

Cam got up and found her in his living room sipping a cup of java and watching the morning news. She was wearing one of his t-shirts again.

"Morning," he said while getting his own cup of coffee.

"Morning," she smiled back.

He came over and gave her a quick peck, before taking control of the TV remote.

"So what do you want to do with your day off?" he asked switching the station to ESPN.

Jess hadn't really thought about it. Her life in the military and on the ranch was so regimented that the idea of an entirely unscheduled day felt rather strange.

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Well, technically it's suppose to be team night and it's my turn to host," Cam explained. "I can cancel if you want."

"No," Jess shook her head. "As long as you guys don't mind a fifth wheel, I think it'd be fun."

"Ok, well then we at least need to make a beer and pizza run at some point," Cam was glad she was so willing to take part in his normal routine.

"Pizza?" Jess turned up her nose. Months of military meals had left her wanting something a little more substantial than pizza for her last night at home. "Why don't I cook something instead?"

"You cook?" Cam questioned her culinary abilities.

"Piloting isn't my only talent," Jess balked at his doubt.

"I know," Cam smirked, giving the innuendo time to sink in.

Catching on to his meaning, Jess took his coffee from him setting both of their cups on the end table. Then she adjusted her position so that she was straddling Cam and slowly lowered down on to his lap. Jess lightly ran her fingers through his hair. Cam went to kiss her, but she stayed just out of range, smiling coyly.

"And just what other talent might you be referring to?" she taunted.

"I think you've got the idea," he tried to kiss her a second time, but again she evaded him.

Jess' resistance was both frustrating and tantalizing, but Cam got the point and let her set the pace. She leaned in and kissed him right behind his ear. Cam groaned as Jess continued to lap, suck and nibble on his neck. He slipped his hands under the t-shirt she had on and rested them on her rocking hips, pleased to discover the shirt was the only thing she was wearing.

"Mmm," Jess hummed against his skin.

She placed feather light kisses along his jaw making her way to his waiting lips. Cam readily kissed her, ramping up the foreplay with each embrace. No longer concerned with being the one in control, Jess matched his tempo. She swore she could subsist for a month just off the way he kissed.

"Still want to wash my hair?" Jess asked as he moved on to her neck.

Cam didn't answer right away. He just kept kissing Jess, sliding one hand up to caress her breast and the other down to see if she was enjoying this as much as he was. Jess could feel her whole body reacting to his touch, and didn't push for an answer to her question. Instead she just relaxed and fully enjoyed the effect he had on her.

"Sex first, shower second," Cam finally managed to growl an answer. He easily stripped the t-shirt off of Jess, leaving her naked in his arms.

Cam took a moment to admire her body in the light. Up until now, it had always been dark when they'd made love. The scares of soldiering marked her otherwise flawless figure, but Cam only saw beautiful.

"Then probably sex again," he impishly admitted.

Jess giggled as she worked to get Cam's clothes off between kisses. He knew her, all of her, and wanted her in spite of it. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved him for it, but she wasn't ready to say it out loud just yet.

* * *

Team night worked. The rest of SG1 took the budding romance in stride, making it feel like Jess and Cam had long been a foregone conclusion. Even Daniel seemed unperturbed that she was with Cam when she'd rejected his advances.

Jess had been right about her cooking skills too. She'd made chicken piccatta that was so good it even had Teal'c going back for seconds.

After everyone left Jess and Cam cleaned up the apartment. She had to be back at the base at 0800 the next morning, and went about getting ready for bed. Cam's own nightly routine wasn't nearly as complex and he crawled in under the covers listening to the sound of Jess in his bathroom. He was still in awe of how natural all this felt.

Jess came in with pajamas on and hit the light switch before crawling in next to Cam. She snuggled up with him knowing full well that this was likely the last night they'd have together for quiet some time.

"Maybe," Cam started then stopped again. He shifted so that he was facing Jess and toyed with her hair.

"Maybe what?" Jess encouraged him.

"Maybe you should keep a couple of things here," Cam cautiously suggested. "You know, for next time you're on leave."

He didn't want to pressure her, but he also wanted more of Jess in his life. The only way for that to happen would be if she always stayed with him when she was on leave. Cam was even thinking that he'd have a key made for her so if he was off world she could still use his place.

Jess was more than a little taken aback by the offer.

"Really?" She doubled checked she'd heard him right.

"Yeah," Cam said with a little more confidence. "I like having you here."

"I mean," Cam kept talking out of nerves. "We just don't get much time together. I figured if you stayed here when you're home, we could make the most of what time we do get."

"I'd like that," Jess gave him her answer.

"You would?" It was Cam's turn to check his hearing.

"Yeah," Jess reassured him with a tender kiss.

"Good," he smiled. "Me too."

Cam kissed Jess and cuddled up close with her. He affectionately nuzzled her neck as they settled in for the night. He knew there was no way of predicting when she'd get leave again, but at least she'd stay with him when it happened. Maybe by then he'd be ready to tell her exactly how much he'd fallen in love with her. More to the point, maybe by then he'd be sure she was ready to hear it.


	15. Chapter 15

SG1 materialized on the bridge, clearly confused by their sudden change in surroundings.

"SG-1, welcome aboard the Odyssey," Col. Emerson explained their whereabouts.

"Colonel. What's going on?" Cam asked for an explanation.

"Change of plans," Col. Emerson provided one. He stood and crossed over to a video screen, indicating that SG1 should follow.

"We received a subspace transmission from a Jaffa vessel near P3Y-229," Col. Emerson went over the details. "They were investigating some unusual energy readings. This is what they found, and when we enhance the image…"

"A fully formed Supergate," Sam finished his sentence for him.

"My orders were to pick you up and proceed immediately to the Supergate. Unfortunately, the Daedalus is still in the Pegasus Galaxy but the Korolev will be joining us as soon as possible," Col. Emerson laid out the plan.

"I didn't think it was operational yet," Sam was surprised by the news.

"It's been rushed into service. We're to meet up with as many Jaffa and Tok'ra ships as we can muster and then destroy that thing by what ever means necessary. Set a course," he gave orders to break orbit.

"Wait a minute, we, we can't go yet," Daniel protested.

"We don't have any more time, Doctor. By all indications that space gate's operational - there's no telling when the Ori are going to start sending ships through," Col. Emerson refused Daniel's request.

"Okay, but leave me behind," Daniel tried another angle. "Colonel, I believe the key to defeating the Ori is on that planet. I know it."

"Daniel even if you're right, the villagers are never going to let you back in the library," Sam jumped in.

"Then beam me in," Daniel suggested.

"All right, you get one more chance," Col. Emerson relented. There wasn't time for arguing.

"I'll go with Jackson," Cam volunteered. "A little quality time, and that Black Knight might show up again."

"We'll have the Russians swing by and pick you up on the way through. You have until then," Col. Emerson set the time table.

"Thank you, Sir," Cam said before he and Daniel left the bridge.

* * *

Jess made her way through the corridors wondering why the colonel was asking for her so soon. They weren't scheduled to reach the Supergate for at least another hour. Just as she walked on to the bridge, Daniel and Cam materialized.

"Boy, my timing's off today," Daniel said as he took in his surroundings.

"Lt. Colonel Mitchell, Doctor Jackson. Welcome aboard the Korolev," Col. Chekov greeted them.

Jess took up position just over the Russian colonel's right shoulder. She smiled warmly at her friends. There appearance was an unexpected surprise.

"Jess?" Cam slipped, shocked that she was there. They hadn't seen each other in two weeks and he certainly hadn't expected her to show up on the Russian's flagship.

Col. Chekov ignored the familiarity, "We were not intending to go into service for several more months and did not have a full crew complement aboard. Your Col. Emerson was kind enough to lend Major O'Connor to us. She will be leading what 302 pilots we have."

"Well how about that," Daniel beamed proudly at her.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Jess downplayed her sudden reassignment.

"Were you able to find what you were looking for?" Col. Chekov brought things back to more pressing matters.

"Yes and no," Daniel answered. "We've identified what the weapon is and potential locations, but it wasn't on this planet."

"That is disappointing to hear Dr. Jackson," Col. Chekov sighed. "Then let us waste no further time. Set a course."

"Colonel, why don't we get out of your way for the time being," Jess suggested. "I'm sure Daniel and Lt. Col. Mitchell would like an opportunity to regroup before we arrive at the Supergate."

Col. Chekov agreed, "We will call you back to the bridge when you are needed."

Cam and Daniel followed Jess' lead off the bridge and down the corridor.

"So, I'm dying to know. What exactly does mud wrestling have to do with finding Merlin's weapon?" Jess teased Cam about his mud caked uniform.

"Mud wrestling?!" Cam pretended to be offended. "I'll have you know missy that you're in the presence of the hero who defeated the black knight."

"Hero?" Daniel deadpanned. "Well, I did destroy the control crystal, but hero seems a little strong don't you think?"

Cam gave Daniel a dirty look for stealing his thunder.

"Oh I've got to hear this story," Jess laughed.

* * *

Cam, Daniel and Jess returned to the bridge when they were summoned. The ship dropped out of hyperspace and took up position with the assembled fleet.

"This is Colonel Chekov," he announced their arrival over the radio. "What is the situation?"

"We've got an incoming wormhole, I suggest you prepare for battle," Col. Emerson responded.

Col. Chekov barked out orders to his crew while Jess watched the whoosh of the Supergate's wormhole. The first Ori ships emerged almost immediately.

"Here they come," she said more to herself than anyone in particular.

Col. Chekov left his captain's chair to stand with the American soldiers. The Ori vessels were huge, practically dwarfing the Earth ships.

"I only count four ships," Cam noted with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"It's probably their first wave," Daniel guessed.

"We should see what we can do about discouraging a second one," Cam suggested to the Russian colonel.

Col. Chekov nodded in agreement and returned to his seat. As he shouted out more orders to his crew, the ships battle alarms began to sound.

"Sir, there's a message coming from the Ori ships, its text only," Jess noted. She read the message as it came across the screen next to her. "And those who are prideful and refuse to bow down shall be laid low and made onto dust."

Cam looked over her shoulder and reread the message to him self.

"Is that all it says?" Col. Chekov asked.

"Yeah, that's it," Cam confirmed.

"Open a channel," Daniel ordered. He waited for the crew member to cue the radio before responding to the Ori message. "Then did Tileus say to the people of the low plains: 'seek not wickedness amongst your neighbors lest it find purchase in your own house.'"

"What was that?" Jess asked him.

"Book of Origin," Daniel explained.

"Think it will help?" Cam questioned.

Daniel just shrugged. The three exchanged a look, but didn't have to wait long for a definitive answer. Before the Korolev even had a chance to aim its weapons the first shot from an Ori vessel rocked the ship.

Sparks exploded from the ceiling and the walls of the bridge as the entire ship jerked violently. Cam lurched with the blast, pinning Jess against the consol they'd been monitoring, but they both managed to keep their feet. Col. Chekov yelled out his orders and the ship immediately returned fire. On the front screen, Daniel saw that the Ori shields were easily holding up to barrage.

A second blow sent a new wave of sparks showering down on the bridge and a crew member cried out in pain. Smoke was quickly filling the room.

"We've lost power!" Chekov announced.

"We have to scramble the 302's," Jess hollered over the noise of the ship coming apart.

"No, they'll have no effect against that," Col. Chekov shook his head.

"Hey! We're getting our asses kicked; it's time to go all in," Cam defended Jess' strategy. "We'll draw their fire while you get the ship back online."

"Go, go," Col. Chekov agreed.

Cam and Jess ran from the bridge, bouncing from wall to wall in the corridor like a pair of pin balls as another blow hit the ship.

"What's the status of the Korolev's squadron?" he asked as they ran.

"Young and inexperienced, but capable," Jess briefed him on what they had to work with. "There are only four pilots, six with you and I. But there's a full complement of 302s on board."

"It'll have to do," Cam processed the information he was given. "Listen, Chekov's right, the 302s are no match for those Ori ships, but we should be able to out maneuver them. We just need to run interference."

"I got it," Jess was a little annoyed. She knew how to do her job.

"Jess," Cam stopped, grabbing her shoulders and turning her toward him. He wanted to be sure that he had her full attention. "Don't do anything crazy."

"You either," she countered.

Cam didn't let go of Jess, he seemed to be struggling with something else to say. Jess went with her instincts.

"I love you," she declared.

Then she kissed him squarely even though she knew it was about the craziest thing she could do under the circumstances. She couldn't help it. Jess knew they couldn't win this fight, and she didn't want to hold anything back.

Jess didn't give Cam a chance to respond. She turned tail and went running for the hanger bay. They had 302s to scrabble.


	16. Chapter 16

Jess felt trapped in that strange state between sleeping and waking. She struggled to clear the fog from her mind. She wanted so much to open her eyes, to understand what was happening. With great effort she strained to wake up, but couldn't quiet do it.

"She's coming to," Jess heard a woman say.

There was some shuffling to her left and Jess felt the familiar touch of a hand smoothing her hair.

'Cam,' she thought.

Focusing on his touch, she tried again, this time managing to lift her lids. Her vision was blurry and she blinked hard to clear her sight. He was there, standing over her, trying to pull off brave, but looking more anxious than anything else.

"Hey," Cam's voice cracked.

"Where," Jess tried to speak, but her throat was so dry that her voice failed.

Cam looked at someone she couldn't see and asked for some water.

"You're on the Odyssey," he explained turning back to her.

Jess tried to remember how she'd gotten there. She closed her eyes as the memories flashed through her mind. She'd been running for the 302s, barking out orders to the waiting pilots, watching Cam launch in his 302, hitting her own throttle, and then light. The only other thing she could remember was being engulfed by a blindingly white light.

"Jess?" Cam tried to pull her back from her thoughts. "Stay with me baby."

Jess obeyed, opening her eyes once more. Seeing his concerned expression, she reached up and caressed his cheek. Cam leaned into her touch, covering her hand with is own.

Tears escaped his control as he tightly closed his eye. He didn't want to cry. Not while there was still hope. Jess was surprised by feel of his tears against her fingers. She still didn't understand what was happening.

Cam let out a nervous little laugh and kissed Jess' palm. Then he carefully returned her hand to the bed, lacing his fingers with hers.

"Did we win?" Jess managed to mutter.

"Not this time," Cam answered honestly. This was not a time for lies.

Jess could feel her self fading again. She was so tired. She couldn't remember ever having been this tired.

"Honey, please," Cam pleaded with her. "We're limping back to Earth as fast as we can, but you've got to hold on. Now is not the time to loose your stubborn streak."

Jess managed a frail smile as her eyes closed again.

"Promise," she barely murmured before drifting off.

Cam fought to rein in his emotions. He smoothed her hair again, and planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too," he whispered in her ear not knowing for sure if she could hear him.

The rest of SG1 had been standing nearby and Daniel stepped up, putting his hand on Cam's shoulder. Cam irritably shrugged off Daniel's gesture, and stormed out of the infirmary. Anger was the simpler emotion to deal with.

"Cam," Daniel called after him.

"Let him go," Sam stopped Daniel.

Teal'c turned to the nurse who was tending to Jess, "Is there anything we can do?"

The nurse scratched her head, clearly overwhelmed by the overflow of patients stacked practically one on top of the other.

"We're doing the best we can with what we've got," she exhaled. "Even when it's fully operational, this infirmary just isn't equipped to deal with the kind of injuries that Major O'Connor has. We need to get her back to the SGC as quickly as possible for her to have a chance."

"Then I'm going to see if I can get anything else out of these engines," Sam assigned herself a task.

"I will assist you," Teal'c offered.

Daniel watched his friends leave. He wanted to help too, but wasn't sure how.

"Sit with her," the nurse suggested, recognizing Daniel's need to do something.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"Hold her hand, talk to her," the nurse explained. "It might help. It certainly can't hurt."

Daniel nodded. He grabbed a chair moving it next to Jess' bed. Her lack of any major visible wounds concealed the seriousness of her condition. To Daniel she actually looked quiet peaceful. Careful of her IV, he took her hand and settled in for the long ride home.

* * *

Dozens of people waited outside the SGC's hospital wing. Caroline had been notified in advance about what was coming. She'd called in every surgeon, doctor, nurse and tech on staff. She'd also instructed security to keep any non-medical staff out of the way. Her team was going to be under enough stress without concerned SGC personnel looking over their shoulders.

Hank made his way to the front of the crowd. There he found both Jess' squadron and SG1 waiting somberly for news of their friend.

"Any word yet?" he asked.

"No Sir," Cam answered.

Hank assessed his frontline team. They all had their own injuries that he doubted a single one of them had bothered to have checked yet. The Odyssey had brought back eight critical patients including Jess. Numerous others had injuries only slightly less severe. From what Hank could tell, not a single soldier had managed to come through the battle unscathed.

As he contemplated what a crushing defeat like this meant, the door to the hospital wing swung open and Caroline walked through. Cam sprung into action, catching her arm.

"How is she?" he didn't bother trying to hide his true feelings.

Caroline looked to Hank. He encouraged her to share what she knew.

"Major O'Connor's internal injuries were extensive, and she'd lost a significant amount of blood," she began. "We did everything we could, but a body can only take so much."

"So what are you saying?" Cam gritted his teeth.

"If she'd gotten her sooner…" Caroline's voice trailed off.

Cam exhaled heavily. He looked at Sam, then Daniel, then Teal'c seeking support from his team, but everyone was lost in their own grief.

"She's gone?" Hank questioned out of disbelief.

"I'm sorry," Caroline offered, her own emotions getting the best of her.

"I want to see her," Cam said. He refused to believe what he was hearing; he had to see for himself.

Caroline nodded and motioned for him to follow her. The rest of SG1 respectfully stayed behind. Hank moved to go with, but quickly realized he wasn't invited. General of the base or not, even he could recognize that this was not a time to pull rank.

At the doors to the operating room Caroline paused and turned to Cam.

"I had the nurse do what she could in case one of you wanted to come back," Caroline prepared him for what he was about to see. "But we took heroic measure in there. Jess… just…just take as much time as you need."

Cam indicated his understanding. He took a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping through.

Jess was laid out on the table. A blue-green surgical sheet was draped over her body covering her completely from the collar bone down. A tube was still sticking out of her mouth, but it had been disconnected, and the various machines had been pushed back from the table. A bloody rag poking out from an overflowing red bio-hazard receptacle hinted as to how much cleaning up the nurse had needed to do.

Cam closed his eyes against the sight before him. He willed the scene to change. He wished with all his heart that when he opened his eyes they'd actually be at his apartment. That she'd be curled up on his couch, wearing one of his t-shirts. That she'd look at him with that sexy little smile of hers, her eyes lit up with mischief.

When he opened his eyes nothing had changed.

Cam sighed heavily against the reality of it all. Tentatively he walked across the room, the thumping of his boots echoing off the tile floor. Cam braced himself against the table. He looked at the ceiling rather than Jess at first, steeling himself against the sight of her lifeless body.

He took a few deep breaths then finally looked down at her. With her so close, he couldn't hold back his tears any longer. They flowed freely as he reached out to touch her. Cam ran his fingers through her hair, twisting the ends around his finger just like he had a dozen times before.

"You promised," he said to her.

She offered no argument.

"God damn it, you promised," he sobbed.

He was so angry. He was angry at Chekov for her transfer to the Korolev; at himself for taking the lead 302; and at Emerson for coming to rescue SG1 rather than immediately returning the injured to Earth.

Deep down he knew it wasn't really anybody's fault. War had causalities. It was never easy to loose a fellow soldier, but it was just an ugly part of his job. This was no different, and at the same time it was completely incomparable.

Still crying he leaned in and kissed her forehead like he had on the Odyssey. He was repulsed by how cold her skin felt against his lips. Cam smoothed her hair one last time. He used his sleeve to wipe his face. Then he gathered his wits as best he could and left the room without looking back. That lifeless body wasn't his Jess anymore.

* * *

Daniel had been right, the view was breathtaking. Cam could easily understand why this grove of birch and pines would have been Jess' favorite place on the ranch. It was as fitting a spot as he could ever have imaged for her final resting place.

There had of course been a formal military service at the SGC for all those lost in the battle against the Ori. Afterwards, Jess' body had been cremated so that her ashes could be scattered at this spot in accordance with her family's wishes.

Today was a much smaller gathering than the pervious ceremony. Those that loved her most had trekked up the mountain together on this unseasonably warm day to say one final good-bye. A priest said a few prayers and Joe cried through a few words. Daniel presented Maggie with a folded flag, and Hank gave her a letter from the President expressing his personal condolences.

Cam held up through it all. He'd finally reached a point where he could hear her name with out feeling the need to pummel whoever spoke it. Every so often he could even think about her without finding it hard to breathe. Admittedly, sometimes late at night, he could still imagine her there in his arms if he let himself.

"They'll never tell us what really happened will they?" Maggie took Cam's arm as they walked back down the mountain.

Cam placed his hand over hers, "Jess died protecting everything she loved. The details don't matter."

"Hmm," Maggie gave a knowing hum. "That sounds eerily similar to what they told us when she went missing in Iraq."

She stopped walking, making sure that Cam waited with her while the rest of the procession continued on their way.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"For what?" Cam didn't understand why Maggie would think she owed him any gratitude.

"You saved her, even if it was for just a little while," Maggie explained.

Cam fought back tears.

"If I could have saved her, she'd be here right now," Cam choked on his words. He still harbored guilt over the choices he'd made during the battle.

"Cameron Mitchell, if I know anything in this world it's this," Maggie fell into her lecturing mother tone. "Jessica, my Jessica, died in Iraq. I don't care that she was physically walking around this ranch for a year, she was nothing more than a ghost until you came along."

As Maggie spoke, Cam remembered how Jess had been when he first met her. How she completely shut out the world and everyone in it. He thought about what she'd told him about Iraq. How she'd carried the burden of her failure even when she'd done everything she could have for her team and those innocent victims.

"You did for her what I couldn't," Maggie began to cry. "You made her whole again. There is no greater blessing in the world than that."

Cam wrapped his arms around Maggie and hugged her close. He thought about Jess as he came to know her; willful, reckless, intelligent, vivacious, and beautiful. He thought about how she cleaned out his fridge, and challenged him at every turn. How she'd had the guts to kiss him and tell him she loved him in the middle of a loosing battle.

"You loved her. That's want she'd needed," Maggie affirmed, pulling back from Cam and wiping her tears with a handkerchief she'd been carrying.

"I didn't tell her until it was too late," Cam rebuffed Maggie's statement.

"She knew it," Maggie admonished him for thinking otherwise. "Those three words aren't the only way to let someone know how you feel. Words were always lost on that girl anyway."

Cam laughed a little at the truth of Maggie's last statement.

Cam just said what he was thinking. "It's not fair; we didn't have enough time together."

"We can never have enough time with the ones we love," she sighed. "But I'll gladly take what little time I had with her being Jess again over a lifetime with that shell of a human being she was before you came along."

"I miss her," Cam confessed.

Maggie's eyes brimmed with tears again, "Me too."

Cam nodded and took Maggie's arm as they walked back down the mountain together. 'Patience' he thought to himself. Even in death Jess required patience. Only now it was a need to be patient with himself. Cam knew that time would fix this so that it didn't hurt so much anymore, but he'd always hold Jess' memory in his heart.


End file.
